Ok, not ok at all...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2004
Ok, not ok at all...
7
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 9:42pm

So he came home tonight from a business trip...I say "home" because he won't leave until the settlement papers are signed...anyway, he has been all nice since he's been gone and came home with a cake and a present for my b-day! I was reduced to tears and am only holding them back now because my son is still up! Damn it, I miss him when he's like this! Problem is, he's never like this when things were good- In fact, he was quite lazy and it always made me very angry. He also kept things from me including money issues and it was really our demise. He wasn't very nice before he left and is now down in his part of the house.

Advice? Am I just missing the routine or did I possibly make a mistake in asking for this divorce?

Thanks all...

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:41pm

Hold your ground. When I finally decided that divorce was the right answer for me, my ex started a cleaning frenzy that included shampooing our carpets! I started to wonder if perhaps I'd imagined all those years of him refusing to help around the house...LOL. It's his guilt that is helping him along, if he's anything like my ex, it'll be a matter of days before he's back to the same old same old.

Melanie

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:56pm

I think what you are going through is a normal part of the process... often times after one spouse asks for the divorce the other behaves better than they ever did previously... only time will tell just how serious he is... but I would hold your ground and keep stay strong... Do some journaling... write down what he did (or didn't do) that brought you to the point where you wanted to divorce in the first place, then if and when he decides to be sugary sweet again, you've got some reminders...

*hugs*

Julie

P.S. If you aren't sure about divorce though, you may want to consider counseling, if you haven't done so all ready as a way to work through what your feeling and make a desicion (either way...)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 8:18am

Make no mistake..... when people see what they're about to lose, they start doing "guilty" maneuvers... or "see, I'm a really good guy" moves.


Always base your decisions on what a "normal" day was like.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2004
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 8:27am
Thank you!!!! You guys are so right!!! I had a temporary lapse in judgement because he is being so nice and I am lonely. I swear it will be better when he moves out!!! I didn't miss or think of him at all until he walked through that door!!!! Arrrggghhhh....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:11am
This whole situation sounds really tough! I'm sorry you're going through all these conflicting feelings (and you are trying to keep your emotions in check for your son- that can be really hard!). Please see if you can find someone to talk to- a counselor, a preist, this web site, books, whatever. It's a really tough time, but I know you'll be better off when it's all over. Listen to your gut instincts and don't waiver. Stay strong girlfriend!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 1:23pm
You are 100% correct. You had a moment where you felt sad and alone, and he felt familiar. Do NOT make the mistake I did! I filed for divorce three years ago, convinced that my STBX "changed." It didn't happen. About 2.5 years after we reconciled, I filed again. I feel like I wasted even more precious time moving on with my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:46pm

Hi...I'm a little late replying but I'll give it a go anyway...Your STBX sounds like my STBX, and these other ladies give good advice! So stick to your guns. Stick, stick, stick!
Maybe it's like quitting a bad habit, the hardest habit there is. You come so far, you stop biting your nails or quit smoking and all those days with your healthy new lifestyle start to add up. Don't lose that ground you worked so hard for. If you're anything like me, you'll never be "sure" about your decision. But I'm MORE sure that I'm happier on my own, than with him on his best day KNOWING that that day is only a day at best. Make any sense? Ha, ha. Probably not. But you sound like you're going to be okay to me.

Mannie