Ok, WWYD?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ok, WWYD?
3
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 3:13pm
Ok, I'm finally getting things together. Bills are being paid on time. No extra stuff but hey?! I have started health insurance for the kids. I have found a new home to buy. Just waiting on the final and such. STBX will still not talk to me. I asked him yesterday to meet me for lunch. The mediation is taking forever to schedule, let's just do it our selves. He wouldn't talk to me. So, I'm still not angry, not like you would figure. I am stumped that he won't try and work things out. I am stumped that he won't say he is angry. I am stumped by his inactiveness. WHy won't he just agree there is a problem and go to counseling to save this family? A male coworker told me the stages men go through with a divorce. 1) Anger, how dare she do this to me. 2) Woohoo, I can start dating again, go to the bars, play daddy a couple of days a week 3) Disappointment, the bars I'm too old for and not getting any. 4) Oh honey, I'm sorry. What can I do to make this work? Ok, why can't they hit number 4 before we women have already adjusted and am starting to recover???? I'm to the point that in a few weeks there will be no turning back. No reconcilling in my mind. So should I call or email him that if he would just agree to counselling and really try we might be able to save this family? Or just go on with it?
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: soccermomlc
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 10:22pm
Ok, I called him and left him a voice mail. I told him to get out of his "defensive mode" and try to work things out. That if we go any further with the divorce there will be no turning back. He called me back and was like "Hi girlie girl". He was like nothing was going on. I was a little taken back. I told him I didn't want the divorce but that he left me no other choice by not seeing that we needed help, counseling. He said he would do whatever we needed. I told him we had a counseling session on Tuesday morning and invited him to it. He didn't sound to enthuisatic about it but said he would be there. I told him he also needed to call the older boys tonight. He said we should all go out to dinner. I told him not yet. I want to see some action first. Well, now is the time to be strong and not back slide. If he follows through with the counseling we'll see. If anything, at least now I will finally have him in front of a therapist. I'm a little nervous about this. I thought I needed one last try so that I wouldn't have regrets later about not trying. BUT, it just hit me. When I called tonight to say goodnight to the younger two I got voice mail. STBX called me back but put my son on the phone. He didn't stay on and thus didn't talk to the older two boys. OMG! Did this really just happen?!?! Am I screwing up?
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: soccermomlc
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 11:40am

"Girlie Girl"... that's the nickname that my EX calls me ;-)


I really think that you've said and done more than enough to get his attention... and he's not showing you that he really wants to work on this.... and, to me, at this point in the game, he should be giving 100% and you should have no question about his seriousness.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: soccermomlc
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 8:38am


I do understand that. I ended up giving my ex MANY "last trys." But finally, after a couple of separations and reconciliations, I realized that I had really and truly given it my all. There comes a time where you know you have tried everything, and you're just prolonging the inevitable. But you have to do what feels right for you, within your time frame. Just make sure you're listening to your instincts. I always regret it when I don't follow my gut.




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