okay, long story

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
okay, long story
1
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 3:59am
My husband and I seperated in May of 2007 (if you ask him, I "skipped out" whatever) I had had enough of his name calling, belittling, etc....the final straw was a saturday, after he called me to come get the kids from him because he wanted to go out with his friend, he called me up to bring them home because, "I don't want them around an irresponsible mother" Um, what? You JUST called me to come get them from you, yet I'M the irresponsible one? This was a day after he had sent me an email stating how he was done with me cuz I was selfish, did nothing around the house, etc. (We have 3 kids, one with Autism and one with ADHD) I was out with some friends that day, and after that phone call decided I wasn't going home until he and I could sit down and talk about stuff. We (kids and I) spent the weekend with a friend, and come Monday I find out that apparantly I had forged his name on the lease (how does someone *do that?) so now the apt is in his name only and the locks are changed. With EVERYTHING we own inside. We were also behind on rent so he was pissed about that too. We had a VERY rocky next few months, we went to court in September, where we went through a 3 hr evaluation where he put down everything I did with the kids, and the judge ordered 50/50 custody for 5 months I think, then we would meet again and discuss how it was going. He sort of chilled out after a bit, since we hardly ever saw each other because we picked up/dropped off the kids at school. In March of 2008, he mentions he wanted to take the kids to an easter egg hunt and wants me to go with because he thinks it would be easier for them to understand what's going on. ????? what? And I said, I think that will do the exact opposite actually. I told him I was debating contacting him for the past few weeks about possibly talking and seeing if we could maybe try and work things out. He was very hesitant, but finally agreed to meet. I went over there, and we talked for a few hours. I found out he thinks I cheated and left for another guy. I was shocked. That would never cross my mind, no matter how crappy things are/were. I don't know if to this day I have convinced him. We moved back in at the end of April. Things were pretty good for about a month, crappy for a little over a month, then got good again around mid June. They're starting to go downhill b/c I haven't been working (injured myself playing ball, then kids were out of school) But I am starting a new job on Monday. I know he doesn't trust me, and I feel as though I have done everything in my power to convince him that I am here to stay, and that my priorities are better than they were before, but something is just not right. He *has agreed to talk to someone with me, for now my pastor b/c insurance doesn't cover counselors and they're too spendy, I just need to fit our schedules together to do it. I think the biggest problem is that I feel very fortunate to have this second chance, and he's just like, yeah, whatever it's all good. Because of all the hurt, he still can't tell me he loves me. I do see it though, he has 2 jobs and works his butt off, we take the kids to soccer, we go shopping together, and have sex, but that one little thing really upsets me. I know it will take time for hurt to go away, but what do I do in the meantime? I think I have done all I can, and now I just wait. Waiting sucks. He keeps telling me, this stuff isn't going to go away over night, and I know that, but I don't know, something continually makes me sad. I have thought about calling the dr and getting on meds. I have been on them in the past for anxiety and think I need to now for all of this. I don't have any doubts about where he is or what he's doing, but something still nags at me. I don't know if I'm really asking a question here, just venting :-) I guess maybe my question is, is it just something time will get us through? Is there anything esle I can do? He says we just need to let time heal us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 1:13am

Wow.... it sounds like you really have your hands full with the kids, let alone the emotional roller coaster of the relationship with your husband!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~