Okay...Here is my soap opera......
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| Fri, 05-27-2005 - 10:33am |
Lets see, I will try not to jump all over the place. I must warn this could get long so thanks in advance for reading.
OMG I can'y believe that I'm having trouble remembering the beginning details of my marriage. I was married July 24,1993. I wanted to get married the previos year but my dad refused to walk me down the isle if I didn't wait another year. He already had bad feelings about ex. I only dated him 4 mo before he proposed to me. I was definately young and nieve.
My mother warned me that he was bringing to baggage into the relationship.But I didn't care. Before we got married we had wanted his 2 girls from previous marriage to be in the wedding. His ex was not very nice. She allowed visitation and when she found out the wedding date decided to not let them come even though it was agreed on. (she was witholding for CS) This took us to go and attempt to pick the girls up anyway. She lived 10 hrs oneway from us.
This is where alot of drama comes in. His ex took the girls into Canada and hid them on an island where her husbands family had a cottage. We found out through her husbands ex wife where the cottage was. The only way to this place was by boat. So we scouted out the place and rented a boat. Apparently his ex was commuting back and forth to the states to work. ( NOTE: they did not have specific rights of visitation. It was unofficially suggested by a retired police officer that the police could not make the kids go back with her if he were to end up with them)SO the plan was to grab the girls and go back to the states to get married. We had every intention of returning them after the agreed on visitation time.
As you can guess things did not go as planned.Even though we were the one to call the police first He ended up in jail. I stayed with his ex's husbands ex wife.Make sense?
Turns out the island was on indian territory as well. To jump ahead a little,I had to call his dad for help in bailing him out. He sent money ,didn't get the kids and stopped to see an attorney on our way back home. Got back home three days before the wedding. Got married and had our honeymoon in Canada clearing his name. All charges were dropped. Hired attorney and got specific visitation rights. After first summer of specific visitation and the girls went back to their mothers ,She gave up custody of them.(I was also PG with my first child)
Girls came to live with us making me an instant mom. I was not ready for that at all. Don't get me wrong I really love both of them and still do. I have a better relationship with them then their mother or father does. Never once did she take any of her visitation time. She had very little contact that led to no contact.(her choice)
And this is just the beginning.....After giving birth to my first dd 16 months latter I gave birth to my second dd. I insisted on birth control at this point. He wanted a boy and still does not have one. Gradually everything became to overwhelming for me.I was left with all the responsibility. He barely worked and would never pay the bills with the money he did get. We went many times without heat. I was more and more getting tired and depressed. I remember one time falling asleep on the phone while talking to my mother.I woke up to her trying to wake me up over the phone.
I knew something was wrong with me but had no energy to deal with it. I started having anxiety attacks. I went to the DR. and he prescribbed muscle relaxers. I only took them at night because they made me to sleepy. It was at this time that ex decided it was okay to have sex with me. I was totally unaware it was even going on.(NOTE: this may be a little grafic.) Please don't take offense. I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking I wet myself or something. I didn't know what was going on until one day I said something to him and he told me what was happening. It made me sick. First off the only time he would come to bed was when he wanted sex. Otherwise he would sleep on the couch.
I started back to work cuz I was tired of not having money. After a couple years we started putting a buisness together with his brother. I did not like his brother at all. I thought he was the one who was the manipulater. Ex said we should get to know each other so we could work together better.(I didn't like BIL because he was into pot and other drugs) So we started talking and bacame good friends. Ex did not like this even though he told us to be friends. We started planning family outins with BIL and his Live-in and kids. We went on a camping weekend and that is where BIL found out what his brither was really like. He tried talking to ex to let him know how I felt and what he was doing to me.
Ex didn't think there was anything wrong with our relationship.BIL was having difficulty with his live-in. We both were trying to help each other . I would give him suggestions on how to help with his relationship he would do the same but neither one of our partners would listen. After our camping trip BIL ended up not being able to walk. Ex was to take on the jobs that BIL had started and give him the money from those jobs. Well ex decided to keep the money because he didn't like our friendship. Camping trip was during labor day weekend and by Dec. things really went down hill. Ex thought I was talking to BIL on the phone when I was actually talking to my neice. SHe needed help with homework.
Ex decided to take my cell phone and smash it against the wall. This was the last straw. (Over the years he would punch holes in walls or smash drinking glasses,once threw a carton of eggnog past my head)That was Dec.4,2001. I moved in with BIL and his SO with my girls. I was there for almost 2 weeks and ex made a big fus about it. I went there because they were in the same school district. So I moved in with my parents which made me have to drive kids cuz not same district.
About 4 mo latter BIL So decided to leave him flat on his back litterally. He was totally unable to walk for those four months. I helped him get the medical attention he needed and got him back on his feet. Since then we have formed a partnership and work together. We get along very well and can't believe we once hated each other. He no longer does drugs. I caught him rolling a joint once from pot his sister gave him and told him if that is what he wanted to do I woul;d nolonger be a part of his life. He walked into the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet.
The only bad habbit's he has is smoking and drinking. He is an acholic and does not deny it. He does try to limit himself to not drinking before 4:00 PM. I know that is something I cannot change and can only pray it's something he will do on his own. I have accepted him for who he is though. He totally respects me. Yes he has even asked me to marry him.
I've said yes but I think it will be quite a while before we do get married.
Needles to say Ex thinks I've been having an affair all along when in reality he ended up pushing us closer together. We didn't start dating until I was seperated and knew I wasn't going back to ex. Still ex blames him for our failed marriage. I even went to a marriage weekend with him to try and work it out.The love just wasn't there anymore. I never expected to fall in love with BIL. It just happened and it works. For the first time in my life I have someone who respects what I do and say. He tells ME how much he is proud of me. He doesn't go around telling everyone else then telling me that he tells everyone else as though I should go ask everyone else what he thinks.
So and I do not live together yet. We are trying to save up to buy the place we both want together.Well I said this would be long and I know I skipped some details. If you made it this far thanks for listening. It feels good to talk about it. Any comments are welcome but not neccisarry.
K:)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~