Old and alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Old and alone
14
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:52pm

I am going on 40 years old, and the thought of being old and alone is just about devastating to me. I always dreamed abut growing old with my husband and about all the wonderful things we'd do together when the kids were grown. I love him and don't want a divorce (and we are in counseling), but I can see the writing on the wall.

I'm also angry at him because I feel like my options after divorce are horrible, while hubby's are pretty good. I'll be stuck with all of the responsibilities of kids and the household, while hubby can basically go have a party. He'll have no trouble finding companionship if and when he wants it. Who's gonna want a flabby, 40, mother of someone else's kids?

Appreciate all wisdom and support.

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Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
In reply to: vbaudelaire
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 9:09am

Thought I'd add my 2 cents here. I read your post, and the other posts as well, and I am going to be 40 next November. STBX has been out of the house since May 2005. That has been the most difficult year for me financially, but that's perfectly ok. I feel so much more self-confident now that the hissy-fit-throwing, immature, abusive jagoff is GONE. LOL I look at this as an opportunity to transform myself into what (or who) I was meant to be. I want to go to real estate school, and show STBX that I CAN survive financially without him, and THRIVE. Yes, STBX will prolly be better off than me for a while (and it's ONLY money), but that's ok. My self-esteem is priceless, compared to the 20 year sentence I've been serving with a crazy man. And I will always be better off than him, because I will be without him. Divorce isn't such a bad thing, IMO.

Good luck to your and your husband. It sounds like a lot of the parenting responsibilities are yours now anyway...? It may not be very different from what you're experiencing now, if you and hubby split up.

My advice would be not to worry about who would want YOU-- it would be who do YOU want? Sure, I'd love to have a guy right now; I don't, but I am working on myself, and making MY dreams come true. Look into yourself, and be the best YOU that you can be. You can shine without a man.

HUGS

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: vbaudelaire
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 9:57am
If you have interests in your life that you feel passionate about it makes you look so much more attractive to the opposite sex. Down time from a relationship gives you the time to discover and try new things so that once you do meet someone you have things to talk about and can learn from each other. I've been doing distance running and participating in road races for the past 5 years and the guy I'm now seeing has gotten back into it and I'm confident enough in my abilities to learn some of the activities that he can do. Having your own personal interests makes you a much more rounded person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: vbaudelaire
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 10:48am

Who's gonna want a flabby, 40, mother of someone else's kids? here's a revolutionary thought: YOU (and nah, i don't meant this sexually lol). start with this: your life is going to change, but its going to change for the good. and the very first person tht you are going to have a realtionship with is ----- YOU. you will learn who you are. you will learn what YOU want and what YOU don't want. you will learn to set goals for YOU and go out and achieve them.

you're 40? you're just a babe lol. i am turning 46, was divorced TWICE, have one messed up child (20), have no money but hey-------- when i got divorced i realized that *I* was messed up and *I* wouldn't date me (or someone like me, KWIM?) and i started working on who *I* was and what *I* wanted. and you know what? i've come a long way in the two years since i was separated / divorced. got a promotion at work, doing great at work (except for the money part), got on track with a diet/exercise plan, went back to schol to finish my BA, you get the picture. trust me - if i can do it, you can do it too.

so --- i know that divorce is not what you want. but take advantage of the changes, and do something for YOU

remember - there is a difference between being "alone" and being "lonely". I am alone in that i don't have a SO to share my life , but i am definately not LONELY.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
In reply to: vbaudelaire
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 5:23pm

I know EXACTLY who's going to want "a flabby, 40, mother of someone else's kids"!!! A wonderful man, who might be 40ish and a bit flabby himself, who also has kids. He'll understand that the reason you're flabby is because you gave birth to those wonderful children, whom he loves. He'll understand that your kids are your priority because he has his own kids.

They're out there! I found one!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

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