OMG!!
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| Tue, 12-26-2006 - 12:27pm |
Oh Brother!!
I filed for divorce in November. My STBX was served with divorce papers and we had a court date early December. He didn't go to court. I explained to him that it didn't matter if he showed up in court or not, i was still leaving him and taking the children with me after the holidays. He understood.
Flash forward to saturday.............
We were invited to a holiday party. The invitiation was address to us. As we are still living in the house together and few people know of our marital dischord, i asked him if he wanted to attend with me. he always says no. STBX is a recovering alcoholic, went to rehab in october and has been sober since. UNTIL SATURDAY!!
Well, he got smashed, and left me at the party. He called my cell phone several times threatening me to leave the party now, or he "would physically remove me from the house". (where the party was being held)
I left immediately and walked home. When i got home, he followed me through the house yelling, "if you are done with this marriage, just tell me!!" I looked at him and said, "You were served with divorce papers, what more do you need??" Then the cusing, the hand gestures, following me through the house saying, "this isn't over, this isn't over."
He woke up Sunday morning (christmas eve) and acted as though nothing happened. What a mess.
Edited 12/26/2006 1:14 pm ET by whatabadidea

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I'm glad i amused you. :-/
I am living in the house because it won't sell and the mortgage is in my name. i cannot move out until mid january due to financial constraints. Do you think i enjoy living there? do you think its a good situation for me and two children? NO. Thanks but i could have lived without your response.
Christine
I'm a little on the worried side regarding your safety. It sounds like your STBX is becoming somewhat unhinged, and if this is a man who is also relapsing into alcoholism and has threatened you physically (as far as threatening to remove you physically from the party) I'd say you need to get away from him ASAP.
The things you say he did that night sound like they're coming from a man who may be getting more desperate. I don't mean to overreact but you may want to seriously consider making sure there are other people there to help you when you actually take the kids and go. Just to be sure there are no last minute scenes.
Stay safe until you go, and let us know how you are doing.
We all do what we need to do in certain circumstances and when others ridicule us that is wrong because they are not in our shoes.
I think sometimes it takes a much better woman to try to do things in a mature way then to do what the masses may do .......imo
both people in the marriage-divorce need to do what they need to do that will benefit all involved.
Gwen
I must say i have never been afraid to be in the same house, but i am now. I'm not sure how to procede with him. Do i tell him now that i am leaving on january 19 or do i just let the truck show up?
What truly concerns me is that he and i have discussed the divorce and my leaving with the kids. He was sober when we were discussing it. But then Saturday night he says "if you want out of the marriage, just tell me?" WTF!!
I do have a support system close by if he gets violent. My sister and parents felt that i should have stayed at the party saturday, and allowed him to come in and do whatever he was planning. I guess they thought it would be helpful to have witnesses and have him arrested. I disagreed, i guess i am just being too nice. I didn't want to hurt him, we've been married for 20 years. What a mess.
C
I actually agree with your mom and sister. I think you should have stayed and then when he showed up (if he did) you'd have had a room full of people between the two of you.
I'm not really comfortable giving you specific advice on what to do here, as I have no experience with domestic violence and don't want to advise you to do something that could get you into a worse situation. January 19th is a long way off and gives a lot of room for him to have another of these episodes.
I know he hasn't actually hurt you, but I did look up the number for the Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and I think calling them for advice would be a very good idea. They've seen it all and would likely be able to tell you what to do.
My personal idea is to perhaps get out right now with the kids and stay with your mom or sister until your new place is ready. I think quickly getting away from him with no set date is a good idea. If you tell him "the" day, I'm worried he may get drunk and do something as it approaches.
You are a kind person for looking out for his feelings, but please understand that sometimes people do things they wouldn't normally do when the get desperate, and I'd hate to see you or one of your children get hurt.
Surviving Divorce
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