OMG!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
OMG!!
15
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 12:27pm

Oh Brother!!

I filed for divorce in November. My STBX was served with divorce papers and we had a court date early December. He didn't go to court. I explained to him that it didn't matter if he showed up in court or not, i was still leaving him and taking the children with me after the holidays. He understood.

Flash forward to saturday.............

We were invited to a holiday party. The invitiation was address to us. As we are still living in the house together and few people know of our marital dischord, i asked him if he wanted to attend with me. he always says no. STBX is a recovering alcoholic, went to rehab in october and has been sober since. UNTIL SATURDAY!!

Well, he got smashed, and left me at the party. He called my cell phone several times threatening me to leave the party now, or he "would physically remove me from the house". (where the party was being held)
I left immediately and walked home. When i got home, he followed me through the house yelling, "if you are done with this marriage, just tell me!!" I looked at him and said, "You were served with divorce papers, what more do you need??" Then the cusing, the hand gestures, following me through the house saying, "this isn't over, this isn't over."

He woke up Sunday morning (christmas eve) and acted as though nothing happened. What a mess.




Edited 12/26/2006 1:14 pm ET by whatabadidea
what

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
In reply to: whatabadidea
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 12:44pm
LOL Ok now I am confused if you are getting a divorce and he was served with papers might I ask what you are both doing living in the same home. I mean if it were me I would have been long gone in my own place by now. I dont know how people really do things like this living in the same house with their stbx to me thats just asking for trouble. I know its hard and if there are children involved it makes things harder but still why put your self in that kind of sitt. in the first place. best wishes
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
In reply to: whatabadidea
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 12:50pm

I'm glad i amused you. :-/

I am living in the house because it won't sell and the mortgage is in my name. i cannot move out until mid january due to financial constraints. Do you think i enjoy living there? do you think its a good situation for me and two children? NO. Thanks but i could have lived without your response.

Christine

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
In reply to: whatabadidea
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 12:55pm
OK I understand what your saying now. And I am sorry for coming off like a jerk but cant he find his onw placeor is he buying you out as in some cases. I have been there and done it with my ex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
In reply to: whatabadidea
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 12:58pm
I am so angry at your response. Asking for trouble? Are you kidding me?? I checked your profile, i see you are male. its so much easier for MEN to leave. typically, they are the bread winners of the family, and typically they leave the children behind with their wife. maybe you're different. money means options, and right now i have few, unless i want to move home with my parents or live in my car. keep your lol and your judgement for another poster on another board; if you are looking for amusement you should go elsewhere. i've posted my story here before and received tremendous support. i don't need to be judged by you.
what
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
In reply to: whatabadidea
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 1:06pm
Well I am not trying to judge you or anything like that and yes it is alot better fro the man to leave the house and everything behind unless you your like me there are a few of us still out there that thank the way I do about our children and family that comes first so I will only say I wish you and your children all the best and hope that everything works out for you. But I was not lol at you or your post I was simply lol at what you said about him calling you on your cell and telling you you better come home or he would remove you from your home doesnt he know that he cant do that I mean its your home too and as long as you still have things in it he cant force you out even with if the police got involved they would rather have him leave. But anyways Take care and good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: whatabadidea
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 12:00am

I'm a little on the worried side regarding your safety. It sounds like your STBX is becoming somewhat unhinged, and if this is a man who is also relapsing into alcoholism and has threatened you physically (as far as threatening to remove you physically from the party) I'd say you need to get away from him ASAP.

The things you say he did that night sound like they're coming from a man who may be getting more desperate. I don't mean to overreact but you may want to seriously consider making sure there are other people there to help you when you actually take the kids and go. Just to be sure there are no last minute scenes.

Stay safe until you go, and let us know how you are doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
In reply to: whatabadidea
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 12:59am
Christine what you are doing is noble. I am doing the same thing. My H is leaving me for another woman .....but of course she is married so he cant go there. and its in Montana and we are in another state. Yes he could go rent an apartment but I am not self sufficient yet and he is going out of town soon to the next 10 month construction job soon in a few weeks. so why not make things a tad easier. Why put him through two moves? I was married to the man for 28 years. throwing him out of the house that he indeed paid this months mortgage on is ---would mean I was a scumbag I think. yes I am angry and hurt but what good does it do to make someone homeless or to hurt our current joint income. we are trying to do an uncontested divorce. I think its just being mature to use sense not only in money matters but what we do to the other person whether we think they deserve it or not.
We all do what we need to do in certain circumstances and when others ridicule us that is wrong because they are not in our shoes.
I think sometimes it takes a much better woman to try to do things in a mature way then to do what the masses may do .......imo
both people in the marriage-divorce need to do what they need to do that will benefit all involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
In reply to: whatabadidea
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 9:53am

Gwen

I must say i have never been afraid to be in the same house, but i am now. I'm not sure how to procede with him. Do i tell him now that i am leaving on january 19 or do i just let the truck show up?

What truly concerns me is that he and i have discussed the divorce and my leaving with the kids. He was sober when we were discussing it. But then Saturday night he says "if you want out of the marriage, just tell me?" WTF!!

I do have a support system close by if he gets violent. My sister and parents felt that i should have stayed at the party saturday, and allowed him to come in and do whatever he was planning. I guess they thought it would be helpful to have witnesses and have him arrested. I disagreed, i guess i am just being too nice. I didn't want to hurt him, we've been married for 20 years. What a mess.

C

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: whatabadidea
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 11:37am

I actually agree with your mom and sister. I think you should have stayed and then when he showed up (if he did) you'd have had a room full of people between the two of you.

I'm not really comfortable giving you specific advice on what to do here, as I have no experience with domestic violence and don't want to advise you to do something that could get you into a worse situation. January 19th is a long way off and gives a lot of room for him to have another of these episodes.

I know he hasn't actually hurt you, but I did look up the number for the Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and I think calling them for advice would be a very good idea. They've seen it all and would likely be able to tell you what to do.

My personal idea is to perhaps get out right now with the kids and stay with your mom or sister until your new place is ready. I think quickly getting away from him with no set date is a good idea. If you tell him "the" day, I'm worried he may get drunk and do something as it approaches.

You are a kind person for looking out for his feelings, but please understand that sometimes people do things they wouldn't normally do when the get desperate, and I'd hate to see you or one of your children get hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
In reply to: whatabadidea
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 12:54pm

Surviving Divorce

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