OMG... WHAT AM I TO DO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
OMG... WHAT AM I TO DO?
15
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 6:44pm
I HAVENT BEEN AROUND IN A FEW WEEKS... SOME OF YOU MAY REMEMBER ME... HUSBAND WANTS A DIVORCE EVEN THOUGH THIS MARRIAGE IS FIXABLE.. WE ARGUE CONSTANTLY THOUGH AND HAVE AN 10 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER. ALSO THE ONE THAT IS REALLY YOUNG (24) AND MY HUSBAND AN I BOTH WORK AND HE WORKS AT NIGHT AND TAKES CARE OF OUR BABY DURING THE DAY AND ONLY HAS 4 HOURS OF SLEEP A DAY...RING A BELL???? ..WELL MADE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A COUNSELOR ( WHICH HE HAS AGREED OVER AND OVER TO SEE WITH ME ONLY TO NOT GO ) SATURDAY IS MY FIRST SESSION. I HOPE IT GOES OKAY.
SO THIS IS MY UPDATE... ALL LAST WEEK I WAS STAYING WITH MY PARENTS AND DRIVING 1 1 /2 HOURS TO WORK AND 1 1/2 HOURS BACK EVERY DAY..AND FRIDAY THE SAME, DROPPED HER OFF AT THE APARTMENT AND I CAME TO WORK. WELL WHEN I GOT HOME SOMEHTING MADE ME TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST (I ALREADY HAD ONE FROM BEFORE OUR FIGHTS ) AND LOW AND BEHOLD IT TURNS OUT POSITIVE!
OMG... WHAT AM I GONNA DO.. 24 WITH 10 MONTH OLD, AND ONE ON THE WAY WITH A DIVORCE!!!!!
WE TALKED FRIDAY AND WE AGREED THAT OUR PROBLEMS WERE PETTY AND THIS COULD BE SAVED , ATLEAST ATTEMP TO.. WELL BY SUNDAY THE LOONIE HAD CHANGED HIS MIND..OUT OF NOWHERE!
AND HE LEFT FOR A DAY.. CAME BACK AND I HARDLY SPOKE TO HIM... WELL BY THIS WEEKEND WE TALKED AGAIN ADN I ASKED HIM TO PLEASE COME WITH ME TO CPUNSELING AND HE SAID YES AND THIS TIME SEEMED GENUINE ABOUT IT... SO WERE HAPPY GO LUCKY ON SATURDAY , EVEN SLEPT IN THE SAME BED AND SUNDAY WE WOKE UP AND HE DIDNT EVEN WISH ME A HAPPY MOTHERS DAY... HE CALLED HIS MOM IN FRONT OF ME AND WISHED HER ONE IN HIS MOST STUPID "MOMMAS BOY " VOICE I HAVE EVER HEARD! AND I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TO CRY , WHEN HE CAME 30 MINS LATER AND SAID WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME... AND I TOLD HIM. YOU DIDNT EVEN TELL ME HAPPY MOTHERS DAY... THE ONE WHO HAS YOUR DAUGHTER AND IS PREGANT WITH YOUR SECOND!!! AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME AND LEFT! AS IF I HADENT SAID A WORD.
LATER ON HE AKS IF HE COULD GO TO THE BEACH CLUB WITH MY DAUGHTER AND I OFCOURSE I SAID YES.. EVERYTHIGN IS PEACHY... WE EVEN SLEEP TOGETHER AND TODAY HE TOTALLY FLIPS AND SAYS NO MATTER IF HE GOES TO COUNSELING WITH ME HE IS STILL DIVORCING ME! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I STILL LOVE THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A MAN, WE HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO ADORES HIM AND ONE MORE ON THE WAY... I DOTN WANT IT TO BE OVER.. I TELL HIM ALL THE TIME.. BEFORE A COUPLE DECIDES TO DIVORCE THEY SHOULD SEEK COUNSELING AND HE STILL SAYS" I DONT FEEL LIKE IT" I DONT WANT TO" I DONT WANT TO STAY MARRIED TO YOU"
:(
WHAT AM I TO DO???? IM SO LOST ... I ALREADY ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL FROM ALL OF THIS... THAT IS ALL I CAN THINK OF.. I THINK ABOUT HOW I MUST OF LET OUR DAUGHTER DOWN AND HOW SHE'LL HATE ME AND THIS NEW BABY TOO... OMG WHAT IM I GONNA DO. I DOTN WANT A DIVORCE!
JILL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:18pm
May I suggest a very good book for you. It's called Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson. I wish I had had this book 3 years ago. I probably wouldn't be here today. I understand totally what you are thinking and feeling. I am still feeling that way today. I pray every night that my Husband will return. ( Before I am scolded, Yes I do still consider him my husband. We will always be bound through God. No set of papers will break that bond.) I wish you the best. Please remember to take care of you through all this. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 11:26pm
No scolding here, Brenda. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. We're here to support you, lady ;)




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 7:29am

No scolding...you feel how you feel.

Anyone that has read any of my posts knows I believe in marriage forever. My concern here though is that a young girl is going to spend her time and life being treated like a yo-yo only to have him leave later. You know when a non Christian spouse asks to leave a marriage, God says it is ok to let him/her leave. God recognizes that we just can't make people do the right thing. In marine wife's situation, I would hate to think that her kids learn that this treatment from a man is ok and what should be aspired to. I certainly hope that her husband "gets it" and they work things out but I hate to see her squander her precious life on someone that doesn't love and respect her. The time and effort required to sustain a bad marriage takes such a toll on a person. What wonderful things could be done instead? From a Christian standpoint, what service could she be performing with the love and energy that is currently being taken by this man?

Anyway, Marinewife, I do hope you follow the advice of many and go to counseling with or without your husband. Please do let us know how you are.

kimberly

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 12:47pm
This is the first time I have visted this site and your message was the first one I pulled up. When I read your message, I knew I needed to write to you! I just finalized my divorce, after 14 years together and almost 2 years of sepeartion. When my husband and I seperated I was 4 months pregnant. I went through the whole pregnancy and birth alone and have been raising my 2 daughters by myself. They are now 3 1/2 and 17 months. My divorce was very painful. My ex just decided one day he didn't want to be married or be a father anymore. I later found out that he had been using heavy drugs, was cheating on me, etc. It was all so painful! But, reflecting back now, I knew something was wrong with our marriage for a long time before we sepeated. I didn't know how I was going to get through it and was scared to death to raise my two young babies by myself. But, it has been almost 2 years now and I have made it! Each day gets better and I am realizing I am happier without having the issues in my life that I was dealing with in my marriage. I am not saying it easy, it's not. I still take it one day at a time. Just remember this, it is better to be single and happy then married and miserable! It is draining to try and make a marriage work when the other person isn't willing to work at it too! Give that emotion and energy to yourself and your children. I have come to realize too, that everything happens for a reason and their must be a bigger, better life waiting for you. I know it's hard to see right now! I am still waiting to see the whole picture myself. But, I have faith!
I bless you and your children!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 7:50pm
Welcome to the board Brandy.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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