One thing that drove you batty.....
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One thing that drove you batty.....
| Sat, 05-06-2006 - 4:45pm |
OK, for some reason, today I decided I needed to think about some of the things that drove me nuts about my EX!
There are so many things that drove me nuts about him, but this one just stood out in my mind for some reason...
EX NEVER did housework. The man was incapable of cleaning anything, wiping down a surface, cleaning a toilet, etc. After we'd been married for a while, he decided he didn't like the way I did laundry (!). So I told him he could do his own from then on! And I stuck to it! I did my laundry and DS's but not his. He would always get ridiculously behind in his

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He would start laundry and then forget about it leaving it wet in the washing machine all day. I used to work every other weekend and I'd come home to stuff still sitting in baskets and I could always tell if they were left sitting because they smelled mildew-ish.
He was also passive aggressive so if I asked him to make sure the kids didn't leave dishes laying all over the house you can bet I'd come home to dishes everywhere while they're outside doing stuff. He'd also get into cleaning fits and go through closets and throw stuff away without asking if I still wanted it.
Oh, yes, I am all too familiar with that type of behavior! I think our EXs were made for each other.
OK, here's some REALLY good passive-aggressive behavior.
When DS was a baby, EX worked in retail, so he had to care for our DS the two days during the week that he had off so we could save money in day care. He never came out and said it, but I know he resented not being able to drive all over creation and hang out with his buddies on those days. So....on a few hot days during the summer, he left DS's messy diaper open, in the middle of the floor for about 8 hours in the heat...nicely waiting for me when I got home! I mean really, how much effort does it take to toss a diaper! He just kept "forgetting," I guess.
Unfortunately, my EX never got into cleaning fits....he was
My ex was a hoarder too and so was his mother. She couldn't throw anything away so she would give him crap that she hoarded then he'd hoard it too. Weird stuff like maps from around the country, birthday and holiday cards that she kept for years and years, old furniture, Tupperware from the 70's. He wouldn't throw away old tools in the cellar but he's go through the kids and my stuff and toss things randomly.
Plus he's just plain STUPID and is obscessed with sports to the point of causing nausea. He spends his evenings calling in to sports radio shows to give his opinions. His favorite saying is "Yankees Suck". Talk about needing to grow up!
Awwww.. just one???? Hmmm
I'm sorry but I think I have two biggies :).
1. My ex is incredibly self centered and selfish to the point that his therapist told him she thinks there is something neurologically incorrect with him. He never ever thought about how his actions made anyone else feel. He would routinely go make himself food without seeing if the kids were hungry and he would spend way too much money on gadgets and games for himself and then be angry that I spent too much at the grocery store. One time he even ate an entire box of granola bars that were bought special for our son who has a life threatening peanut allergy. They weren't too expensive, but they're hard to find and it broke my DS's heart when we went to the pantry and the box was gone.
2. His depression and self loathing. He would not and could not see a positive thing about himself or his family. He constantly told me that he was a loser and that hurt me so badly. He threatened to kill himself and I feared that we'd come home to find his dead body. I finally grew tired of the cheerleading and I'm so glad it's all over.
Melanie
OK....is it possible we were married to the same man? LOL! Our lives have some very similar parallels. We moved a bunch of times, and I can not tell you the amount of unopened boxes what followed us from one place to another. I
>He never ever thought about how his actions made anyone else feel. He would routinely go make himself food without seeing if the kids were hungry and he would spend way too much money on gadgets and games for himself and then be angry that I spent too much at the grocery store.>
I would agree with the therapist...that is really strange...especially eating the whole box of granola bars when your son has a peanut allergy. Based on that and the MYRIAD of other issues, I can totally see why you're glad it's over! You must feel so wonderful and relieved to be in a happy, healthy relationship now. You deserve it.
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank
Thanks Christine! I agree, I do deserve it and I chose to only be with someone who is perfect for me. It's funny though because it felt a tiny bit scary to be with someone who has everything I want. I think that's very common though.
Melanie
I'm going to cheat and give two things:
1. The man was a total slob. If he made food, there was sure to be a blob of something left on the floor. Our kitchen floor pretty much always looked terrible, and if I let it go for a whole week you'd likely be able to scrape enough junk off of it to make a small meal for one. This messiness carried over into everything he did though, and I'm not exaggerating. I was never able to keep up with it. My house was ALWAYS messy and I had to hear from my mother-in-law how I really needed to get a handle on it.
2. I was going to say phone usage for the second thing, but then realized it was that he'd spend hours a day talking on the phone about himself, and changed my mind to his narcissism. My ex only talks about the show he does and himself. There is literally no other conversation with the man anymore. I'm going to leave it at that because truthfully I'm sick of talking about him and his show, fans, groupies, etc. Ugh.
At first I thought about how he'd take food off of people's plates without asking first...he even did it to our ds. DS would sometimes cry about it.
I think the financial stuff is what got to me. He was making around 90K a year and we couldn't make ends meet! He'd buy lots of tools, games, etc., and I couldn't believe how fast all that stuff added up. He'd even make decisions about big-ticket items without my input. I am glad to not have to deal with that anymore!
I can say pretty much the same. I guess this could be called a list of what a spouse should not do to keep a happy marriage. Either that, or a list of signs your spouse is a narcissist.
The poor hygiene - yes, my house was a mess too until I threw the trash out. Now I can have guests over on a whim without being humiliated. CAHL was stinky, dirty, ruined the bed (he even wet it, I tossed it with the trash), never washed clothes, food stuck on the floor, missing the toilet, even using the shower for that purpose....a nasty creature.
Phone calls - oh yes, CAHL spent nearly 2 hours a day or more chatting about himself on the phone. I would hear him yelling to the other person what a b*&ch they were or how they were an idiot for thinking...whatever. And that was just the conversations with his mother.
Not caring for son - Once CAHL and his mother said they were going to go get some fast food...what would I like to have. I told them, and said get son a children's menu with chicken. They came back with food for themselves and for me, but completely forgot to get son anything. That kind of hurt. I gave son my food, though he didn't like it and I ended up making him something in the kitchen instead. How could you forget the child? He would have been the first one I would have thought about...But it wasn't an isolated case. CAHL liked to barbique and would often go buy some steak for that purpose. But he never bought enough for everyone. Com'mon....one portion of steak for 4 people? What's worse is that several times I didn't realize it until he proudly brought in a platter to a set table before I realized that there wasn't enough for anyone but him to have dinner. I would reluctantly get up and start dinner in the kitchen while CAHL happily ate his and asked why everyone was having such an attitude. He said we could have steak if we wanted but it was our fault and not his if we didn't. Yeah, right.
Depression - not a day goes by when I don't thank the heavens that I don't have to hear CAHL telling me about the evil and cruel plots people are plotting against him and how depressed he is for everyone sabataging him from being a super intelligient, fabulously rich, famous and all powerful man. Apparently he was being closely monitored by people in high places and somehow displeasing them enough to focus on trying to destroy him. Sounds a bit psycho maybe? Whatever, I won't try to diagnose him. But most importantly it isn't my problem anymore. Let the OW deal with it. What is one person's trash is another's treasure? I think not, but she can have that trash if she wants, I certainly won't stop her. And now the waste is gone, the place is smelling better already.
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