One year ago

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
One year ago
2
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 5:28pm

April 23 is my one year anniversary since the D was finalized. Has anyone ever done anything "special" to mark the date? It's interesting looking back and seeing where I was compared to where I am today. Some of it's disappointing because even though the paperwork is "final" there's still lingering issues with him and it sucks still having to deal with him.

I guess I should make some goals for the following year such as not letting him pi$$ me off and push my buttons because he does enjoy that and trying to make the whole situation better for my kids. I admit that I bash him from time to time and it's soooooo hard not to.

My worry is that I'm too jaded about relationships and marriage to let someone else into my life or that I feel as though I have too much baggage so I don't deserve a new relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: isysmoon
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 9:46pm

Hmm...I've never done anything "special" to mark the D-date, unless you count drinking. :) I'm all for acknowledging those milestones though...I'd suggest doing something nice for you, pampering yourself, celebrating your independence, strength, etc. Make it a happy occasion and use it as an opportunity to reflect on how far you've come.

Please give yourself a break in terms of not being further along in some regards. D is a painful and complicated thing, and it takes a while to move forward, and unfortunately, you can't rush it. The feelings can be a lot to navigate- and with kids, I can imagine it makes it very difficult, as "no contact" is out of the question and you have no choice but to be in situations that have the potential to "push your buttons". Personally, once my divorce was final, it did take a while to finally feel like "me" again and really have NO more attachment to XH. In the first year, I made great strides, but in all honesty, it was a full 2 years before I really felt as if I was at peace with it and had truly put it in the rearview mirror (and that was WITH no contact). But, if it helps any, looking back, I have learned and grown so much, and I am SO happy and grateful today (even though I didn't want the divorce AT ALL). It was a sometimes excrutiating journey, but I realized my strength, shifted my priorities, and came to appreciate every good thing that has ever come my way. I did lose something, but I gained so much, and I am HAPPY. Today, I wake up and smile, and I know things are exactly as they should be. Keep working at it, and you will get there...

Hugs,

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: isysmoon
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 10:13pm

You know, I think that may be a good idea in the future...marking the anniversary of the divorce in a personal or special way. Especially the first anniversary.


I think you should make a list of all the ways you've grown and changed over the last year, and take a good look at it! You're always helpful and supportive to people on this board.....you should be able to come up with a nice, long list ;)


And after you're done, do something nice for yourself! Splurge or indugle in something fun.


Lastly, as for relationships, that will come in it's own time. You don't have to work on anyone else's timeframe but your own. You absolutely deserve a happy and fulfilling relationship...and you'll have one!




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson