Opinion please(LONG)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Opinion please(LONG)
5
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 8:07am

I will try to make this as brief as possible. I have ben seperated since Jnauary of 2006. The divorce is finally underway. I had my rebound relationship begiining 6 weeks after the seperation, took a recovery period(did not need one from ex-h as we should have parted 5 years prior.) I am now involved in a very wonderful and helathy relationship with a brifght future.

Intially, the childen and I (19 and 15), stayed in our martial home. AS part of the divorce agreement, we are selling the house. So ex moved back in in April to paint etc, before we sell, and I moved into an apartment. We split custody of the kids. My plan is to buy a smaller house once I get the equity. Anyway, I have the kids 4 night and he has them 3. I only see my boyfriend the night i don't have my children and i have been discreet as neither my boyfriend nor I want them to meet until the divorce is final.

My ex-h started dating someone, which is all well and good, however, she is over when the kids are over and my son caught them playing tonsil hockey on the coach. He is out of town with her for the long weekend. He is taking the kids out of town in 2 weeks. Tehy have expressed their discomfort with their father's dating practices and don't feel ready for his girlfriend to be part of their lives. They plan on having a chat with him this evening.

My opinion is I think he is wrong to not keep his personal and parenting lives seperate. I have decided not to get involved unless my kids need it. Given their ages , am I doing the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 9:41am
If your question is- are you doing the right thing by staying out of the conversation your kids are planning to have with their dad- then I say yes. They are old enough and it seems comfortable enough to tell their dad how they feel. Coming from you it may appear as something other than concern for the kids. I think you're wise to not get involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 4:17pm
Thank you that is what I thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 4:26pm

I agree with cbote.... your kids are old enough to communicate to their dad how they feel about it all, and it is best if you stay out of it.


Kudos to you!!!!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 9:35pm
UPDATE-The kids were with their father and spoke to him last night. He lied and said they were only friends, like they are stupid, one really makes out with a friend. He admitted that he took her camping this weekend. He was suppose to take my DD camping in 2 weeks, she asked if the girlfriend was coming, he said yes. She flipped out at him and started crying he agreed no tot bring the girlfriend. He then said that he would uninvite the girlfriend. She told him to forget it that she is staying with me that weekend. They told him that they are not ready to have her in their lives. Don't know if this is a good sign or not, bt he did call me tonight to verify the nights I have them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 8:54am

Nice.

My XH told the girls that NW was his "best friend" about 5 minutes after they met. They took it in stride because most of MY friends were guys and they had no clue that he met this woman on match.com (or whatever the site of the month club was) and hadn't known her long enough to develop a friendship.

After my honest-to-goodness best friend and I started dating, I realized that he'd screwed things up for me. Rosie was so upset by XH and NW's relationship, I'm still scred to tell her that he and I are dating.

Too bad there are all these idiots out there who don't understand what honesty is.

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie