Our mediator is a man....should I worry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Our mediator is a man....should I worry?
5
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 3:38pm
I know this sounds sexist but our court appointed mediator is a man. That scares me. STBX is seeking 50-50 custody of our kids and I am vehemently against that. I am afraid that a man may be more sympathetic to him since he is a man. I am really scared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 8:04pm

Lisa,

For what it is worth, I am a guy with 50/50 custody of two daughters. I like to think that I am not sexist at all. Still, I am aware that some (perhaps many) people are and, I think, that if they are it is just as likely that sexism could work in your favor as against you.

I truly believe that my father, though he loves me dearly, thinks that my girls would be better off if their mother had full-time custody. Now my dad is a bit older (he is almost 70) but some men still have that attitude regardless of age. Personally, I hope and believe that an officer of the court will look at your case objectively. But, if he doesn't, that will not necesarrily work against you.

Good luck,
Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 8:38pm
Thanks Michael,
I hope I did not offend you. I like men, a lot. I am raising three! It is just no an option for me at this time. For many reasons.
I appreciate your kindness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 9:39pm

Lisa,

No offense taken at all. I just wanted to point out that, while most sexism hurts the interests of women, if there is any sexism on the part of the meidiator it might not be directed against you.

I wish you and your little guys the best. Good luck.

Take care,
Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 3:21pm

I don't know that a male mediator will have a particular bias for or against you. I know you are against a 50-50 custody arrangement, as was I in the beginning of my separation. For you own mental well-being, prepare yourself for the fact that it could happen. TRUST ME, I understand how scary and upsetting it is.


My STBX and I actually met with a mediator before we ended up getting lawyers. This was not a court-appointed mediator....we were trying to divorce without attorneys. She was a woman and CLEARLY favored my STBX. He forgot about the appointment and showed up an hour late - no problem. He didn't fill out any of the paperwork he was supposed to in advance - no problem. During the session, I felt bullied into making concessions. So I don't know that the gender of the mediator will have a significant impact.


Good luck. When is your mediation date?




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 4:28pm
Thanks. I know it could happen, but I hope it doesn't. Our date is not scheduled yet. We just got the mediators name in the mail yesterday and we have 48 hours to contact his office and schedule the appt. I plan on calling tomorrow....