Our mediator is a man....should I worry?
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Our mediator is a man....should I worry?
| Sat, 04-01-2006 - 3:38pm |
I know this sounds sexist but our court appointed mediator is a man. That scares me. STBX is seeking 50-50 custody of our kids and I am vehemently against that. I am afraid that a man may be more sympathetic to him since he is a man. I am really scared.

Lisa,
For what it is worth, I am a guy with 50/50 custody of two daughters. I like to think that I am not sexist at all. Still, I am aware that some (perhaps many) people are and, I think, that if they are it is just as likely that sexism could work in your favor as against you.
I truly believe that my father, though he loves me dearly, thinks that my girls would be better off if their mother had full-time custody. Now my dad is a bit older (he is almost 70) but some men still have that attitude regardless of age. Personally, I hope and believe that an officer of the court will look at your case objectively. But, if he doesn't, that will not necesarrily work against you.
Good luck,
Michael
I hope I did not offend you. I like men, a lot. I am raising three! It is just no an option for me at this time. For many reasons.
I appreciate your kindness.
Lisa,
No offense taken at all. I just wanted to point out that, while most sexism hurts the interests of women, if there is any sexism on the part of the meidiator it might not be directed against you.
I wish you and your little guys the best. Good luck.
Take care,
Michael
I don't know that a male mediator will have a particular bias for or against you. I know you are against a 50-50 custody arrangement, as was I in the beginning of my separation. For you own mental well-being, prepare yourself for the fact that it could happen. TRUST ME, I understand how scary and upsetting it is.
My STBX and I actually met with a mediator before we ended up getting lawyers. This was not a court-appointed mediator....we were trying to divorce without attorneys. She was a woman and CLEARLY favored my STBX. He forgot about the appointment and showed up an hour late - no problem. He didn't fill out any of the paperwork he was supposed to in advance - no problem. During the session, I felt bullied into making concessions. So I don't know that the gender of the mediator will have a significant impact.
Good luck. When is your mediation date?
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson