Out of the frying pan......
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| Wed, 02-14-2007 - 10:00pm |
After reading so many posts on a number of different boards it amazes me how many men (sorry for any reading this, I know there are some that are different) are the same with their wives. Also, only 2 women out of my friends/family that I know of get what they need from their husbands.
Mine had a very long term A, he treated me dreadfully for the first year after I found out, leaving me 3 times to be with his OW for only a day at a time and then begged me to come back. For the past 18 months, the only bad things I can say about him is that he refuses to kiss me, won't instigate intimacy and generally makes me feel bad about myself in little ways BUT he never hits me, doesn't yell at me, pretty much lets me do as I please. He's a pretty good husband if you don't want any affection or love :-), he does his fair share with the kids (usually when I ask but he still does it), he doesn't go out drinking too much with his mates. If he hadn't had the affair, if I'd never found out about it, if I was willing to go the rest of my life without s*x then hey, I'd be set....
My question is:
Am I jumping out of one marriage to maybe end up in something worse. Will I be lonely for the rest of my days. Is some s*x when I initiate it better than nothing if I never meet another man?? Is a man like my husband better than someone who may seem perfect but then when I marry him, he drinks too much and hits me???
How bad is too bad to stay???

Well - how much is your happieness worth? What price can you put on your dignity and integrity? Love is a fundamental need in life - it is not a "want" or a "nice to have". You need it. Your H takes you for granted, your H is a room mate not a partner. If he could wake up and realize that you deserve better and he wants to be the one that walks beside you in life then I would say - stay and see if you can make it work. I Imagine you are living with a lot of tension and stress even if you don't immediately realize it. Sometimes you have to step away in order to have the full picture come into focus. Right now your happiness is hinging on a lot of "if's". I have a strong feeling you deserve a lot better than what you currently have.
My husband has been emotionally and verbally abusive to me - He hasn't hit me but he can get pretty heated up over what I would consider to be simple things. My children have never witnessed this. I would say you are being emotionally abused. In a sense it would be fair to say that your husband is likely a passive agressive person. I do think that there is a better relationship out there for you. Personally - if my H and I do end up splitting, I honestly do not think I will ever remarry again. I plan on dating but it will take a really incredible man to convince me that there is something in it for me to committ to marriage.
Thank you ladies and I know you are both very right in what you say and I appreciate your good wishes.
I'm on this terrible rollercoaster ride although to my H I am being strong and sticking to my demands....
He's been extra wonderful around the house the last couple of days ever since Valentines Day and I've just been pleasant but not bringing anything up. Last night (it's been another week, that's 3 in total now) since I told him I definitely want divorce and he requested time to work it out. Well I'm taking the kids and going down to my parents holiday house with a girlfriend this weekend and told him that he needs to get some of the little jobs around the house done and also to think about what we're doing. His answer "I'll be busy you know".
I lost it once again...we both went off to our rooms, him gasping for breath after our fight because he refuses to talk about it anymore and me hysterical and unable to breath or sleep. I've got the most thumping headache this morning. He apologised this morning but who cares, it's just made me even more resolved in my decision. I'm sitting here nodding my head at everything you're saying to me. I've printed off a very helpful Parenting Plan and will leave it for him to look at over the weekend.
My main priority is getting the kids through this as painlessly as possible. I am going to focus on THAT!!!!
Thank you again for your thoughts and good luck to you both.