Overnights with Dad & OW
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 11-17-2006 - 4:07pm |
I am a long time lurker who is in need of advice/opinions.
A little history:
I found out early this year that my DH of 7 years was having an affair. At first he denied it to everyone, but there was too much proof so he reluctantly admitted to his indiscretions. He moved out of our home in June and filed for divorce. He lied to everyone, including attorneys and Friend of the Court about where he was living, said he was couch-hopping at different friends homes. I suspected he was living with the OW all along but at that point, it wasn't an issue as all visitation, with our daughters ages 8 & 6, was at the marital home. The court ordered no overnights with members of the opposite sex for both of us (fine for me, I'm not dating yet) until the divorce is final. The girls ARE NOT adjusting well - they have alot of mixed feelings and DH shares all of the ugly divorce details with them.
Our children know the OW because DH took them to meet her while I was work at work. This occurred BEFORE we separated/BEFORE I knew he was involved with her.
DH now has EOW including overnights. Most of the time on his weekends, he has been dropping the girls off to his parents home at night since they can't have "sleepovers" with the OW. The girls spend the night with their grandparents & DH goes 'home' to OW. He now wants to have the girls stay at his house WITH OW. The court order is pretty specific re: no overnights with girlfriends/boyfriends. He told me he is going to do it anyway this weekend. I have placed a call to my attorney (waiting for a call back) but in the meantime, I wondered if anyone has dealt with this. I'm worried for my children. This isn't a healthy environment for them right now. Emotionally they are suffering...this is all still pretty new to them. I don't think DH sleeping with OW is appropriate for them to be exposed to right now. Do you think the court would revoke his overnights if he goes against the order?

Dear Mom...
I feel your pain. I am basically in the same boat as you, except for the fact that my divorce is final (2 weeks) so I can't really control what xh does (not that I could anyway). He informed me this week that he is tired of all the rules that I have given him as far as DS (8 yrs) being around OW.
A couple of weeks ago, they (XH & OW)...we weren't divorced yet....took a little "family" trip with DS and SH(OW)'s 12 yr old. They stayed in the same room. I was "livid". But the boys slept in one bed, SH in the other, and XH in the recliner (so they tell me). Usually when he takes him for his weekend, he stays at DD (21) apartment, which DS (8) thinks is "dad & sisters". This weekend, however, he informed me that they were staying at SH's. Again...livid. Doesn't do me any good any more. According to XH I can't tell him what to do on his weekends. I just hope it doesn't scar DS for life.
This is something XH would have never dreamed of doing when our older kids (now 18 & 21) were young. But it's OK to "live with" someone now. According to XH, it won't hurt him. Geesh, what happen to the morally good person I had married 24 years ago?
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread. But this really touched home with me. All I can tell you is to be the best example to your girls that you can be. I'll have you in my thoughts.
Cantbelieveit2006!