Overwhelmed
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Overwhelmed
| Sat, 02-11-2006 - 9:52am |
I'm so overwhelmed with the decisions I have had to make since my stbx filed for divorce in March '05. We were spending tons of money mediating but one day I sat at the computer and my husband's (secure!) e-mail server popped up (he had forgotten to log off and the screen had gone black). I opened a file called MBA and up popped e-mails to and from his girlfriend!!! "Thanks for last nite stuff". I stopped mediation and hired a great attorney. This past year has been the worst. The entire process has been horrible. The depostions were hell. Negotiating visitation has been(and continues to be)hell. The most difficult thing is that he can't afford the mortgage on our house and pay his gf "rent" so we are selling the house now. The kids are very sad (which breaks my heart). I want to leave our small town and relocate to a less expensive place with more support systems- very few moms work here and there is no child care in the schools. I think I have found a nice town near Hartford, but it's about 1 hour and 15 minutes away without traffic. I'm scared and sad about moving to an unfamiliar town- I don't know anybody there, but it's larger, more diverse, less expensive, has a grad school, ... I've put so much effort into making this decision and I feel it's the right thing to do but it's overwhelming having to sell the house, choose a new town, get a new job, apply to the grad program there, deal with the divorce process and also deal with my stbx's mean and angry crap. I wish I could go on and on- I guess I just need some cyber support. I feel lonely and sad without the kids (and we're expecting a blizzard tonight!). Has anyone else moved or is planning to move to a new town to start over?

hi and hugs and welcome.
divorce is
As SK mentioned, divorce on its own is overwhelming and can challenge you in ways that you never dreamed of being challenged before... the good news is that eventually it will be over and when it is, you will be a stronger version of the person you are now...
While you're getting there, make sure that you take care of you... you will only be good for your children if you have been good to yourself first, so that you have something to give them...
I can understand why you would be feeling overwhelmed and a fresh start could be just what you need... It is important to weigh the pros and cons of such a move so that you can be certain of your decision. I know I am very indecisive, but once I make a decision, I can be downright stubborn about it because I have put so much thought into it... with the qualities you've mentioned, it sounds like it may be the perfect fit...
*hugs*
Julie
I can totally relate to much of what you're going through. My STBX and I made it through one session with a mediator, and I felt so uncomfortable, I knew I had to get an attorney. I am also having a HORRIBLE time negotiating custody.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to pick up and move to a new town. I was stressed enough finding a place down the street! It was so overwhelming. I had to take out a 401k loan to put a deposit down on my apartment and give my lawyer a retainer. It was tough for me to find a place because I have some credit issues due to STBX. We also had to sell the house, which was sad, but your children will adjust to their new home, I promise. My son has a friend that lives just a few doors down, and he is very happy about it. Often, things work out better than you expect.
And by the way, I am sitting here in the blizzard right now! You must be in the Northeast...I'm in CT :)
Hello! Thank you for your support- yesterday was a difficult day. It sounds like we have some things in common, not to mention that I also live in CT. There isn't much support here for working moms and single moms is there? Oh well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger- right?!!! Thanks for the response.
Laura
I did move to another town, but it wasn't that far.... and he moved to yet another town.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hi Laura,
I am also in CT, Central/North east... I relocated at a moment's notice with my two children. We owned a house in Bristol, and when I caught my STBX in some raunchy, illegal embezzlement/gambling, I took my kids, and moved in with my parents, about 40 minutes northeast... My 9yo DD had a tough time adjusting, and the worst part for us is that it is only temporary, and she knows we will be leaving my parents to our own place, which will be yet another town (I don't like the small town my parents live in)... so she has been cautious making "best friends", since we will be leaving again. All in all, we are happier. I'm not sure what type of financial situation you are in, but I went from having it all, to nothing... Ex stole everything we had right out from under me... I'd love to chat via email more if you would like to... sunflowerct@hotmail.com is my address.
HUGS, and stick around here... the gals (and few guys) are awesome!
Kerry
Hi Kerry. It seems we have a lot in common. I wrote a long letter to you but I'm not sure you'll get it as I may have messed up the "send" process. I'd love to chat via e-mail- mine is lbaldwin@odscap.com. I have yours. Talk to you soon.
Laura