OW and her obsession with me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
OW and her obsession with me....
11
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 9:09am

I just don't get it.


I FINALLY got this "girl" to take her nasty comments directed at me and naming me off of her website...... She FINALLY won't come with XH to pick up and drop the kids off........... I FINALLY got her to stop emailing me and demanding that she be the only one I contact about the kids. All of this stopped because I threatened to take her butt to court for slander.... not that I really could.... but it must have worked.


Anyway, my question is..... if he left me for her, WHY does she obsess over me? Why does she find it necessary to do things "just to piss me off" and why would she waste her time trying to keep me away from XH? I realize there is an age difference, she is only 20 years old..... maybe it's her "younger" insecurities?


Does anyone else have this problem with OW?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 10:42am
She feels threatened by you and all that you share with your ex - the history, the children - and she is trying to prove to herself that she is more important than you. It's really quite sad. Being 20 probably has a lot to do with it, but being immature is limited to the young.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 10:53am

i think that she doesn't quite understand (age? lack of brains?) that you and your ex are going to be bound together, forever. and this is a bind that is not about love - its about your kids, and your history - and its stronger than any relationship between a man and a woman.


also - think about this - what kind of person do you think she is???? she is a 20 year old who had an affair with a married man. and your ex may have been, or continuing to, say things about YOU

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 11:46am

hehe, yeah I guess so...... I hope things calm down now though... I just wondered if anyone else had these problems with the OW.


I guess insecurities have a lot to do with it and the fact this is her first relationship.... a serious one anyway. The only other that I know of is her "girlfriend" yep she went through a "phase" just before my XH where she was involved with a woman....... well, girl....lol


I sort of feel sorry for her in a way. I mean she is so young. She just supported my X for a few months financially ( on 10.00 an hour ) , has credit cards up the ying yang and buys him things all the time, I don't doubt that he is in it for the "toys", but why is she in it? I mean, ex wife ( number 2 )

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 2:10pm

Butterfly,

Her immaturity has a lot to do with her behavior. It's obvious she didn't have a clue what she was inviting herself into when she picked out your husband as her boyfriend. I suspect he had a better idea of what he wanted from her (three guesses what that is.).

You will need to keep setting the boundaries and demanding respect. Your Ex isn't going to do anything. He likes his play toy and he obviously doesn't care about what she says or does as long as he gets playtime with her.

Maybe, if you're lucky, she'll wise up and realize she's the one who got the short end of the stick. Maybe.

Hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 9:22am

I say she's insecure.... very insecure... and she'll have failed relationship after failed relationship until she gets over it!


Me?..... I've only met the OW (EX's now wife) only once... and at the time I didn't realize that's who she was, although I did feel very uncomfortable around her.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:01am

Wow and you didn't request that she not be involved? I had to literally threaten her with legal action to get her to stay away from me.... not once, not twice, but like 3 times!


I am really hoping this will stop now. We are divorced, we are perfectly civil to each other unless she is around there is NOTHING for her to worry about.... but given the age and inexperience.... oh well.


Hugs!


Angelena



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:18am

No.... I would actually like to *see* her from time to time because I think that's healthy for my kids.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:42am

LOL, isn't that funny when we know what they are getting into and we know what is going to happen.... I have to laugh everytime X's girlfriend brags about credit cards in her name and the things she buys with them ( for ex ) I think, you are a stupid kid who has no idea what you are getting yourself into. I KNOW when he leaves her she will be STUCK. He won't marry her ( given he is 29 and been married and divorced TWICE ) and that is the ONLY way he could ever be semi responsible for the debt.


I also think it is good for us to get along for the kids. I tried to explain this to her, but she doesn't get it. She never lashes out in front of the kids, except last visit when X was yelling at me on the phone, instead of taking the kids out of the room, she stood there holding my 14 month old while my 6 year old heard every word. That just proved she doesn't really care about the kids, just herself. She needed to know what was going on. I guess that part bothers me the most. Who knows what else my kids have heard her say about me. I admit in the beginning I didn't want her around the kids, but after awhile I realized there was nothing I could do. As long as she didn't hurt them, I couldn't say a word. I am the evil ex wife in his and her eyes. For making him pay child support...lol. Which by the way.... I FINALLY got a check this week :) WOOHOO! He is paying the back support he owes... he FINALLY got a job, although I think he was working all along...... but I can't prove it. Anyway, and he gave me Easter weekend, even though it's his weekend. AND he apologized about last visit ( the yelling and name calling and threats towards SO ) he also said I was right and he was at fault and he said he was really sorry!!! For the first time since this whole thing started almost 2 years ago he admitted wrong!


Hopefully things are changing all around :)


Hugs!


Angelena


PS, maybe we should think.... everything happens for a reason and if OW wants to be involved with them only to get what is coming to them.... so be it ;) That's what happens to people who date married men, young or old.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 11:18am
"making him pay child support"..... She won't get THAT until SHE has a child and that CHILD needs to be supported.... then, she'll "get it" that

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 3:31pm

I can't speak to the particular people being discussed here...but does ANYONE really know what they're getting into when the enter a new relationship? Obviously not...or those of us who are divorced, wouldn't end up that way, right?

Just an observation, not a criticism. People are complex...and there's never any guarantees.

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