Parenting Plan.....can he do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Parenting Plan.....can he do this?
3
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 2:05pm

OK....here's the deal. This is what our parenting plan states: The child shall reside with or be with Traci (me) except for the following times when the child shall reside with Mark: Mark shall have substantial and continuing contact with our child including, but not limited every other week from Wednesday @ 4 pm until Friday @ 5 pm. The intent of this provision is give the Petitioner the equivalent of alternate week viitation. As his seniority increases, his days off will change. The parties will agree to accommodate his new schedule as necessary to provide the alternate week equivalent which must also be consistent with the Respondent's current work schedule and the child's current day care arrangements.

That being said....Mark (ex) use to have Wed and Thurs nights off. He works a night shift. Wed and Thur I worked a different job. When we got divorse I took on the debt, kept the house, credit cards, car ect. In order to do this I took on 3 jobs to pay all this off. The reason I took it on was because I knew he wouldn't pay it even if it was in his name. What he pays in child support is also based on me working these 3 jobs. In fact he quit a second job he had so he could lower his child support payment. ANYWAY.....He had our dd on Wed & Thur nights, also kept her during the days on Thur and Fridays so I didn't have to pay for daycare during these times. This was also figured into his childsupport payment. He has now changed his days off to Friday and Saturday. His intent was that he would get Ry every weekend. When I ask him what am I to do with her while I'm @ work Wed, Thurs & Friday he says doesn't know, but it's my responsibility. Also, her birthday falls on St. Patricks day which is a Thursday. Before his days off changed he was going to have her on her birthday and do a party for her that night. I was going to have her that weekend and we were going to go to my folks home and do a party there. This had all been discussed and he was fine with that. Now he's saying he wants her on her birthday and that weekend. I've been trying to find some one to give me some answers on this and am having no luck. I've been told the parenting plan isn't really enforcable? Is this true? Him changing his days off with out telling me breaks the parenting plan....A.) it interupts her current daycare arrangments (infact my daycare doesn't have openings on Thurs and Fri) and it interupts my current work schedule. I'm not sure where to go or what to do. My lawyer I had for the divorce wasn't really a divorce lawyer (family friend) and doesn't feel comfortable taking this to court. I've contacted a couple different lawyers and am really getting no response. I found this all out on Monday and since then I've called legal services 8 times and no one will return my calls. Do you think I'm fighting a unwinable battle? I feel I need to continue working the 3rd job. By December all of the debt will be paid off, inculding things that had been sent to collection (he was horrible with money....as long as there were checks there was money). I also have a trip to Mayo Clinic I need to pay for as well as new tires for my car. Quiting @ this point isn't much of an option but I also do not want my daughter in daycare as much as she's going to have to be. Do you think I could change his child support payment? Does anyone have any advise? I'm so confused and feel like he has total control still of my life. I'm willing to work this out as long as it's for the betterment of our child. I feel he's doing this out of spite and not what's best for her. He goes on to tell me he'll agree to the every other weekend since that's what the papers say. But don't they also say he shouldn't have changed his days off yet? All he needed to do was wait 10 months and it wouldn't have mattered. for the next 13 years he could have done what ever he wanted w/his days off. Am I asking to much? HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 2:17pm

Here are my short answers: yes he can changes his days off, yes you will be stuck figuring out daycare and whether to keep working the third job, no you don't have to let him have every weekend and yes the child support can change.

You can't control what days he works, and even though he agreed to have the child those days, he can stop complying with the parenting plan at any time. I think what is supposed to happen in this case is the parenting plan goes out the window and a new parenting plan should be established. He has voluntarily give up his time with dd, and he doesn't automatically get to dictate he gets the days he wants now. I assume you do not work on the weekends, and it's not fair for you to have no weekend time at all with your child.

Because he's done this, you will have to figure out what to do about daycare on Thu/Fri. You can't wait to get to court, you are stuck. It sucks, but you can't do much about it.

I wouldn't ask for a change in child support until you have an attorney estimate it and you know it will be going up. Factors that can cause it to go up are the fact that you have higher daycare expenses and have her more of the time (since he has voluntarily given up his parenting time). But you never know if you are still working all the three jobs, it might be better for you to wait until you can quit the third one in order to lower your income, which will increase the support. Or you can quit the third job now, request an increase in support, and get another third job again later. Although he could call you on this and get you back into court to change it again later.

If I were you I would keep calling attorney's until you find one that would take your case. And start documenting every conversation you have with your ex on this matter. I would tell your ex that although he's chosen to not comply with the parenting plan, you do intend to continue to comply with it, that you will give him every other weekend if he's giving up his Wed/Fri time with dd, but not *every* weekend and if he wants more time he'll have to wait until the two of you can agree to a new parenting plan, and that for now, you are sticking with the original plans for dd's birthday. If he can't have her the day of her birthday, he'll have to wait until the next weekend and plan a party with her then.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 2:29pm

Great response.

The reality is.......you'll have to modify your decree but it sounds like you have the change of circumstance to do it. It's not fair and you assume they'll do what they said, but the don't often times and you have to roll with the punches and figure out what is worth fighting for and what is worth letting your life be messed with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 2:48pm

I also want to add that if he doesn't like that he can't have every single weekend, then he should have stopped and thought about negotiating a new parenting plan first, and then changing his schedule once it was all set.

Voluntarily giving him every *other* weekend is giving up time with your dd and you'd be doing it for your dd's sake, so that she didn't have to wait until her parents figure this out to see her dad again (that wouldn't be fair to her). But make sure he knows you are *willingly* deviating from the parenting plan in this *one* instance for your dd's sake, that right now he has no legal right to enforce having her every weekend or even every other weekend and if wants to get that legal right he needs to work with you to negotiate a new and fair parenting plan that works for all of you. Also, mention to him that saying dd's daycare "is your problem" with no fair warning does not make you feel very charitable towards him.

The bottom line is yes, he can do this... but you are not going to bend over backwards to pick up his slack and then *also* agree to give him everything he wants under the new arrangement. His decisions have consequences for him too.

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