the past 31 hours....................
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 03-26-2007 - 5:27pm |
have been unbelievable. first, saturday night, stbx calls me and invites himself over to breakfast on sunday. i told him no.
so sunday morning he shows up at my front door with his cell phone. on it, xap's phone number. he starts yelling and finger pointing, screaming at me, telling me that 'THIS ISN'T OVER'!!
so then the phone call campaign starts. he calls my parents, my sister, my friends, xap, the list is long. he tells or asks everyone that he has proof that i have had an a with xap. luckily, i have been honest with everyone he called. and luckily, these people supported me because they know what a weirdo he has become.
he tells me my friends confirmed, and he tells xap that HIS friends confirmed it. none of this true. so, last night, he starts calling me. 10 phone calls, 10 vms later between the hours of 12-2. i turned the ringer off on my phone in an effort to sleep, but i didn't. i took ds to school at 7 am and guess who was sitting outside my house waiting for me to leave?? YEP STBX. he follows me then disappears in traffic.
i was so scared that i called the police. they came to my house and advised a protective order. so i spent my day today trying to obtain one. the judge who heard my case said that because stbx hasn't harmed me physically, or threatened bodily harm, there was nothing he could do.
ok, so this is how the legal system works?? he has followed me several times, threatened me with vms text messages and emails. but because he hasn't touched me, i'm out!! unless i have him arrested for stalking me. isn't this how people end up dead? crazy jealous stbx throws gasoline on xwife and catches her on fire, or runs her over in front of her kids??
i'm very scared for my safety. i think this man, who is an alcoholic, and probably bi-polar and continue to stalk me.
i'm very sorry for what i did to him, the a was wrong. and yes, i stepped outside my vows, but so did he. he promised to provide. and he got drunk, slept on the couch and couldn't hold a job. what will become of me??
Edited 3/26/2007 9:55 pm ET by whatabadidea

yes. you have to have the person arrested. what will my kids think? although on the other hand, i guess its better than them growing up motherless.
what
I am so very sorry you are going through this. If you do not want to call the police, please do call a local domestic violence centre. The phone number should be at the front of your phone book. You can also find it on the Domestic Violence message board here at Ivillage. They can help advise you as to your rights, and they can provide protection to you. You do not have to make any committments to press charges etc. At the very very least he is harassing and threatening you with the calls, verbally and emotionally abusing you. You do not have to live like that.
I do agree however as far as your last question "what will your children think?"... you are right - they would much rather have to visit their father in jail than live without their mother.
((((Hugs to you)))))))
Rose
Oh dear ... that is tough. I was stalked once. The cops were great; took it really seriously, but the "system" ... oh I am so sorry they didn't issue a protective order. He has made threats and followed you!!! I wonder if a different judge would interpret things differently.
In the end, it doesn't matter what he can prove about an affair; the divorce will go forward and you will be free, at least, from any financial entanglement.
As for your safety ... I would talk to your lawyer about trying again to get a protective order from a different judge; it really sounds justified.
I will keep you in my prayers.
M
i dont know what to think or say anymore. i cannot believe this is my life. i have way too much drama, way to many issues. i want to live quietly and peacefully. is that too much to ask?
i feel terrible for hurting him.(stbx) i didn't admit the a to him and i know it is killing him inside, because he does love me. i didn't cheat on him to make him angry, i did it out of desperation. he wasn't there for me, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
very very sad.
Whatever happens, don't let your feelings of guilt interfere with your instincts to stay away from this man. I think you are right to be scared. His behavior is erratic.
Don't let the affair cloud your judgement. Yes, the affair was wrong. BUT, it's not responsible for the end of your M. Your H did the drinking, he made that choice. He had a part in this, too- don't forget that.
Think with your head, not your heart right now. You need to protect yourself and your kids.
Don't worry about what the kids will think.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hi dear..
I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. Sounds like we have both had one H*LL of a weekend.
You need to do what is best for the kids and not worry about him. You need to protect yourself. stop caring about his needs, his thoughts, his feelings. And don't worry abuot what your kids will think. We both know what alcoholics are and it isn't good. He will do whatever he can to pull you back in. Please don't let him. If you can have him arrested, do it. If that's what it will take to protect yourself and the kids then you have no choice. He is a drunk, just like my H. His wants, his needs will ALWAYS come first. The A is nothing really. It's not the cause of the problem and didn't affect the issues in your marriage one way or the other. Let it go. Don't beat yourself up for it anymore. Your H is just lashing out and trying to get to you anyway he can. Look at it from his point of view.. he can't control you anymore and you're not listening to him. He wants you and the kids back so he can go back to his life of drinking, lying on couch and letting you provide for HIM!
You have to stay strong and know that you are giving your kids a better chance at a life. You have to avoid him, don't answer his calls and cut off contact. Could you change your cell number or just keep it turned off? You will get through this but you do have to protect yourself. The woman at the resource center I talked to said that that they may get worse when they really understand that this IS happening and they can't stop it. Keep talking to the police about a PO. If he leaves VM maybe he will say something stupid and you will have it on tape. I would never speak to him directly.
It is scary.. but I think that he will hit bottom eventually. He will find someone else to latch on to and let you go or these people will self distruct themselves.
Take care and keep posting..