Pit in my stomach - it's time to end it
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|Fri, 02-22-2013 - 10:56pm|
Anyone have a similar story? I have been married for 10 years. My husband has been under-employed for 6 years (trying to grow his own practice) but he isn't self-motivated enough to make it work. This is after putting him through three years of law school. So he is barely making $5,000 a year, while I am working all the time with a full time professional job and a freelance side business that keeps me working nights and weekends.
Although I make good money, we are in debt from his schooling and lack of income, so we struggle. I can't get him to get a side job because he tells me that it would effect his professional reputation if he was seen working at a job outside his field. I don't care- our family needs money. After years of arguing, I finally got him to realize that he needs to give up private practice and find a job where he is employed by someone. He has been applying for various positions for two years now, and has expanded his search throughout the country now, realizing how badly our family needs the money.
So this sounds good, but in the meantime, he is depressed, so he doesn't do anything (he is on antidepressants). He is a very handy man and can fix and build anything. He built our garage all by himself. Now I can't get him to cook, clean, fix things or run any errands. So I come home after working a full day to make dinner, pick up the house, help our son with homework, put the toddler to bed and then begin the freelance work.
I am at the end of my rope. I am not easy to be with- I know I'm not perfect. But I work hard and want a partner who works as hard as I do (if not at a job, then at home or with the kids or making my life easier). We've gone to counseling, but I feel like we are just delaying the inevitable.
He is a great dad and a nice man. He is completely trustworthy and is extremely smart. I am at the point where I feel bad arguing and trying to push him anymore. I can't make him be what I want him to be- he is his own person. He just isn't right for me anymore. To add to everything, we have always had sex issues- he doesn't want it and I want it all the time. And he spends money and hides his purchases. So the bad has just outweighed the good. I feel like he is my third child instead of my husband.
I told him I was done- and now he finally understands. We have been existing in the same house as roommates for the past few weeks, but I now have a pit in my stomach and feel so lonely. I don't have a lot of friends to talk to because I have been so focused on work and my husband has been my best friend.
He had two job interviews in the past two weeks (after not having any in 6 months) and is counting on getting one so he can move away so we can separate. I am so used to him being around. I know I will be better off without him, but I am so worried about being alone....
Thanks for reading and letting me get this out...