Pity Party

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Pity Party
5
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 8:28pm

Just a vent ...

Yesterday I took the tree down and as I am putting away the ornaments, thinking how this is the last time; asking him if he wants me to set his few ornaments aside for him to take with him; wondering if the girls will want to take their ornaments to his house etc. It all seems SO wrong.

Then, today, went to a children's show with two families. That was fine. One family represents my best sahm friend and my dds' best friends. So, we went to dinner with both families after the performance. What did the two dads and one wife talk about the entire time? Planning their joint family vacation. So, I sit there in silence, having a hard time eating, really hurt ... hurt they would be so tactless as to discuss it with me there (I have known both families longer than they have known ea. other and I introduced them) and feeling like my life (and kids' lives) are going down the sewer -- no joint family vacations for us and my dds' best friends are going to spend their time with other children; my kids are not only losing their father, but their friends. It is almost too much to bear.

I know I will bear it. I am a survivor, but I have to swallow so much hurt along the way.

So pardon my pity party and thanks for listening!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: nymava
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 10:16pm
Big Hugs to you, M! YOu are strong. You will survive this.
Keep venting to us. It really helps. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: nymava
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:53am

I empathize with you. I too get sad when I hear about planned vacations for the year knowing that I can't even afford to do the same for my children. What really hurt this year (and last) was receiving all the Christmas newletters and reading about how great the year was for everyone else while I am struggling. I hope one day that I can write one of those happy newsletters. Hang in there.
Belinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
In reply to: nymava
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:24am
Oh honey you keep venting and we are here for you. You are not alone. I get on pity parties every day. There are tons of things in our daily lives that will cause pain. Just seeing a happy couple together will hurt but I had that anyway cause my STBX wouldnt do anything with me.
I think too that they arent really pity parties. They are pain parties, grieving parties and we have to feel the pain and deal with it. stuffing it would be much worse to do or not facing it. We will be ok! We are women and I believe the stronger of the two sexes.!
You will arise from these ashes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: nymava
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:19am

Oh yeah, those Christmas letters were hard to read this year. I was imagining sending one out next year from me and the kids -- it would be so weird -- advertising our separated state and pretending to be cheerful ... yuck. Of course I will try to make it a good year (and life) for the girls.

And yes, too, on the family vacations. The only way we *can* afford a vacation would be to share with friends at this point and yet they aren't even considering including us. Me, I am a grown-up, I can handle it, but I am so so so sad for my 4 yo and 6 yo -- to get hurt this way so young, not just by their Dad, but by "friends" who start to exlude them because they no longer have an intact family -- doubley damned so to speak.

Sigh...

Hugs to you to!!!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
In reply to: nymava
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 11:14am
Oh that is sad for the kids. what is wrong with people? maybe you can find new activities etc with a single moms group. You could all get together and take a van or something and go on vacation. split the gas etc make it economical and make sure the kids have the greatest time of their lives.
they dont have to go to Disney world to have fun. its like when my kids were small would buy them expensive toys and they would go drag out my pots and pans.
I do know that kids at school cause so much pain ie they will say oh haha we got to go to such and such. I believe in home schooling for some of these very reasons. but you would have to have an at home business to do it. also check with your state. kids in school are so cruel and they laugh at others if they dont have the latest fashions etc. I just hate it. Sometimes I wonder what these kids parents are like. I always taught my kids to never make fun of anyone for what they had. and I dont think they ever did.