please help! I'm a raw bundle of nerves.
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| Sun, 05-28-2006 - 2:04pm |
...so much pain, fear, confusion, anger... How will we all wurvive this?
I have two children 6 and almost 2. I have an abusive, reckless, manipulative and scrupleless husband who I wished to divorce for several years. When I finally separated from him nad found myself a boyfriend all hell broke loose. He filed for divorce, full custody of my beloved children and has even proposed only supervised visitations for me! For all those years he had no interest in raising our children and I have done 100% of the work. He would NEVER be able to give them the love,care and concern that I am giving them. My husband got himself a very aggressive lawyer who specialises in representing husbands and she is picturing me in truly the worst possible light. If I was the woman she makes me out to be, I wouldn't give myself my kids either. But I'm not!!!
He made a array of ridiculous accusations of me being neglectfull (because I once left the children in a running -locked mind you - car while running into the dollar store - to buy and extention cord), abusing drugs, abusing the childredn etc. and ESPECIALLY my boyfriend being a violent drug addict. He based all of these accusations on his history (yes, he had problems with drug abuse in the past, but he has been in recovery for a long time now and does a wonderfull job and his ex-wife once called 911 and filed a restraining order against him during an argument, stating he slapped her, wich she then retracted and stated she lied in order to get him out of the house). He even hired a private investigator, who is monitoring whom I call and snooping around to see where they could find something on us.I am absolutely convinced that he is doing all of this just out of jealousy and wrath and wish for revenge for me bringing another man into my and the children's lives.
I have a good lawyer too and we're slowly plowing through and gathering evidence (drug tests, character testimonies, school records etc.) to proove that each one of these accusations isn't true. There was a court hearing for temporary custody last monday. It has been deferred and the judge did not grant him sole custody of the children nad he deferred the whole thing to a next hearing in 45 days. Since I work night shift, the court ordered the kids from 7am to 7 pm with me and from 7 pm to 7 am with him every day. Basically we've been allways doing it this way. The court also ordered a temporary order without prejudice pending further investigation and orders, that my boyfriend may not be in the presence of my children at all.
We both work night shift together. That means that for the entire day (every day) my boyfriend (who lives with me and the kids!) cannot come home and we had to rent and expensive room, that he has to share with another person, to sleep. He was ripped out of his own home for some other persons false accusations. He also cannot help me now to take care of the kids. So I basically don't sleep at all, allthewhile I'm facing being watched by the guardian at litem and have to be on and be the best parent I can possibly be.
I miss my boyfriend so much! I am desperately alone (since I am originally from a foreign country and my entire family is there and my husband managed to alienate me from my only and best girlfriend that I had). He is fighting a lot of emotions of anger and helplessness and he is trying very hard to keep everything together. We see each other at work, where we can't really associate (for proffessional reasons) and maybe an hour or two before work, after I dropp the kids off with their Dad, during wich we are usually trying to catch the last bits of sleep, since we both get merely 3 to 5 hours a day... We are both depressed and desperate, but we are fighting for my kids and we both know that we cannot give up!
My lawyer assured me that this is only temporary and will be resolved likely at the next hearing in 45 days. He said that there is no way, this can in any way become permanent... He told me that this is pretty common practice and that the judge is doing this, because he wants to grant me custody, but wants to see first if I am able to put my children first ahead of the man.
So I have two questions. Perhaps somebody was or is in a similar situation and can help.
1)Do you think, that what the lawyer says is true? Have you ever heared of a case, where custody was granted to a parent but a condition was made PERMANENT that the boyfriend/girlfriend cannot be around them, or cannot live with them?
2) Do you think that the fact that I work night shift in going to be a great hinderance for me in getting custody? I've heared of cases, where the mom did not get the kids, supposedly only because she works nights...

I don't know where you live and how the judges are. Usually, however, it is a bad idea to live with a boyfriend before you are legally divorced. I am not trying to be unsupportive because I know it is hard to break away from abuse alone. Still, there should be a great deal of time between a bad relationship and a new just because a bad relationship really clouds our thinking and judgement. I honestly don't know if a judge can demand that your boyfriend not live there but I do understand that thought process. Although I am sure it is painful, having time alone and focusing on you and your children can be a really good thing. I hope the court system sorts through this mess and makes the best decision possible for your kids. Let us know what happens.
Kimberly