Please help me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2008
Please help me!
2
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 5:24am

My husband and I have decided to get a divorce, though we have both often thought about it in silence. We've had many fall outs and losses in our marriage and unforgiveable choice words. He's made a nasty habit of putting me down on several degrees on a daily basis. Such things as-,"you're fat, why don't you leave no one wants you, you have no self worth, I only love you a little." Well I packed up my things for the fifth time in our marriage and left our home leaving nothing unless it was a necessity. All I can think is how bad I want him to love me completely, but everywhere I go I hear the song It's Too Late by Carole King or I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt. I just feel like I fall short in so many places; that he can't love me as I am and somehow all I am is worthless. I am 35 weeks pregnant and I am having difficulty coping with the stress and how much my husband has tarnished our vows. I just want to breath again-

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 6:16pm

I really, really feel for you because I was in a similar position once. As I've said before, I have a special dislike for men that mistreat their pregnant partners.

Like you, when I was pregnant, I was largely neglected by my then husband. He spent all of his free time out with his friends, spending our money, and eventually, spending lots of time with another women. Suspiciously, he decided he didn't know if he loved me any more once she appeared on the scene. I begged him to come back, which he did. And THAT was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. I then spent twelve more years with a man that clearly didn't care about me. I was completely neglected and had to deal with a tremendous amount of passive-aggressive abuse while he lavished time and money on his friends and family. I wasted years being miserable with him because I thought it was the right thing to do for our son.

I have one regret about the whole situation...that I didn't get out sooner. I know it doesn't seem this way right now, but this is actually a gift for you. You don't want to waste precious years of happiness with a man that treats you poorly and doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved. Once you're free of his abuse (neglect is a form of abuse) you can go on to develop a wonderful life with your new child. After my divorce, I got together with an old friend of mine, and we've been happily married for almost two years. I finally understand what it is to be loved completely, and you will too.

Hang in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2008
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 11:15pm

I can understand what you're feeling.