please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
please help me
3
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 11:42am

17 days ago, my husband of nearly 29 years left me and is filing for

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
In reply to: shukat
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:20pm

I am so sorry. If you read my old posts you will see that I am in a similar situation. It has been several weeks now and there are some things that have really helped me:


1. Talk to someone - tell your story. Telling it over and over has helped me tremendously. I can even do it without immediately crumpling into tears. Tell friends and others who can provide support. See a counselor - this has really helped me to have a sounding board/reality check. I know you probably feel like you are going crazy. I feel like that sometimes too, I think we all do.


One of the best places of support for me has been from strangers. When I told my story to friends, they often knew someone else who had been in the same situation. I have been in contact with some of the friends of friends and it has really helped. People are so supportive if you let them be. And if you run across some who are not so supportive, let them go.


2. Take steps to protect yourself legally - hire an attorney, if you haven't already done so. Be proactive to the extent that you can. Have a friend help you with this if possible.


3. Keep a journal - I am keeping two. One is a free flowing journal where I just write and write everything I am feeling. The second is a gratitude journal where I am making a list each day of 5 things that I am grateful TO HAVE in my life. This is helping me to focus a bit more on what is still there rather than all of the losses.


4. Remember that you still have a life. You are still you. Even if you have forgotten who you are without your mate, you are still in there somewhere. I see glimpses of myself from time to time and I look forward to rediscovering things about myself and learning new things.


5. Try to focus on you and not on him (I know, MUCH easier said than done). I try to stop myself from thinking about things I cannot control and focus my thoughts on something else.


6. Remember that feelings have to be felt but don't have to be acted on. Keeping this in mind has meant I have been able to take the high ground in many ways during this difficult process.


7. Get up and go on doing what you need to do. I have small children so hiding under the covers is not an option for me. I just get up every day and do what needs to be done. Sometimes I even smile. Yesterday I had dinner with a friend and I actually laughed! It is a bit surreal to be walking around doing all the normal things when you might feel (as I do often times) that you are filled with broken glass, but it helps.


There are still good things to be had in life. You are still a wonderful person. You are much stronger than you think.


Just my two cents for whatever they are worth. I am so sorry that you have to endure such pain. I know how difficult it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
In reply to: shukat
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 5:22pm

I so understand I how you feel. Its been 2 years for me now. I was married for 16 years when my ex decide to leave. We have 3 kids. He moved out, moved in 2 months later

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shukat
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 8:28pm