please help me.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
please help me.....
5
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 3:50pm

hello...
this is my first post on this board...
i have been reading on some of your advise and problems, so i came in hopes that someone may be able to offer advise..so heres my story

i am very young, almost 24 my husband and i got married when we were 22 and right away within 2 months got pregnant. so now we have a beautiful baby!
but were having problems... of what you ask?... i have no idea, if i leave the room light on that causes a fight, his mom causes us to fight! we fight over the most dumb things (well what can i expect were so young) but the thing is that it has gotten worse, i think his attitude stinks! he gets mad at the way i breath it seems, and he says he hates my attitude, i like to yell and scream and all that, i dont show my affection at all. so i know he is right....but last time we got into a huge fight, he mentioned the word divorce! i didnt knwo what to do, i still love him and i want to make our marriege work, but he said he wasen't in love with me anymore...he said it didnt feel the same as when we met. the truth is i know its not the same but i still love him for crying outlod! i begged him and begged him to take me back, and said that i would change what i was doing wrong ....oh i forgot to mention why he said divorce. ok he said that i was not effectionate enough, i am really bad with showing my feelings and he says that he doesnt feel that i love him (but i do) so thats why he said we shouldnt be together.
so i begged him and i said i would change, im trying but now it seems like he just wants to sit back and let me show him and he doesnt give 110% in return! is it fair that just because i messed up before i hsould be the only one showing my love?
it makes me think now he doesnt love me and when i tell him that, he says " that's how you made me feel" so is he doing it just to "teach me a lesson"?? am i wrong? is he wrong?
i still play it in my head that he said he was not in love with me anymore ..but every time i say i love you, he says it back. im so confused!!!!
i want to spend more time with him because we hardly got to when we got married, i got pregnant 2 months after and then 2 motnhs after that he deployed in the military and was gone for 7 months and just came home 7months ago.
so now he works 12 hour shifts and helps take care of my daughter during the day because i dotn want to put her in day care and we dont have the money...so hes on 4 hours of sleep every day , and i understand hes tired but now it seems like he doesnt want to spend time. am i asking too much, sometimes i think i am. i mean he works hard.
ughghh!!!! so confused!
so now my thind is , i read someof you say that "being in love" after marriege changes and thats not a reason to divorce over, but some people say it is...
another thing is his mom. his mom butts into my life so much its gettign to the point where i want to tell her i dont like her. she backdtabbs me all the time and when i say " im gonna be cordial but not friends with her , they both get upset! my MIL and i had a great friendship before she decided to backstabb me, so my question is, should i let it go and be nice to her or stand my ground even if he says it bothers him and causes us to fight???
please help with any advise...
also what can i do to show him i love him, im so bad with being romantic and all that...

sorry if it didnt make sense...that's how it feels in my head!
thanks
jill

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 4:30pm
You guys should sit in front of a chaplain and get some help. The military now has some marriage programs that might work. Military marriages are very tough because the dynamics are so different than most. BTW, if either of you seek out the chaplain, it WON'T adversely affect his career. Contrary to popular belief, Marines can seek help when needed. After you see a chaplain, he or she may tricare you out depending on your issues. Yes, you are young and on top of that, the stress from his job is killer. This really needs to be disussed at length with someone that understands the dynamics in your marriage. I used to be the key volunteer coordinator for my ex's squadron and I promise that I know SEVERAL couples that went to counseling including us!! I can't say as to whether or not you'll get the outcome you want because Marines can be strange creatures when it comes to relationships but I think you would agree that what you have isn't going to survive if things stay as they are. Good luck!! If you want to e me privately and tell me where you are, I might know some of the chaplains or can get a referral for you (kbach67@yahoo.com)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 12:00am

Hi Jill.... Welcome.... Wow!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 11:44am
thank you ladies...
i just dont know anymore. things haven't gotten better i mean it has only been a week but i hate feeling rejected. i feel like the most stupid and most nasty woman on the planet..my own husband doesnt want to kiss me. how sad is that.?!?!?!?!
you know thinking abou it, i made many mistakes and had him WONDERING if i loved him but i always told him ( i know you should show it too though) but i KNOW FOR FACT he doesn't love me and that to me makes it worse! i feel so hurt. i guess thats a good thing in the end becuase feeling this way is only gonna get me upset and give me the strength to leave him!
i cried myself to sleep again lastnight which seems like the 100 th time in a row, after i heard him say " i say i love you because i think that's what you want to hear from me" ... man the air in my stomach felt like it was punched out!
i guess i know what i have to do right?! im gonna be making plans to leave and get my own place this weekend. hopefully i can stay with my mom until the place i want opens up in may. thank you ladies ...i didnt want to say this but i guess ill be visiting this board more often, sight.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 11:49am
We're here any time... so jump on in here whenever ya need a shoulder or some reassuring words.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 2:40pm

You're a strong one! There's little worse in life than feeling unloved by the person you put your trust into. You may have more nights of crying yourself to sleep, but once you're out of that draining atmosphere, I think you'll start to heal faster than you ever thought.


And please, post any time. I know you'll be going through a whirlwind of emotions, and were happy to help you navigate!




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson