Please help! Still haven't moved on...
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Please help! Still haven't moved on...
| Mon, 10-15-2007 - 11:50pm |
I am going to try and make this as short as possible but I do have a lot of ground to cover. Here goes… It seems that I have not fully come to terms/peace with some decisions I have made in the last 2 years and it is really affecting me emotionally and physically. In a nut shell, I recently divorced my husband of 4 years in April of this year. We had already been separated for 8 months prior to the divorce. It was my decision. I am not here to ask for forgiveness or blame someone else. In fact, I take full responsibility for these decisions but despite the fact that I own what I did, I am still feeling horrible, sad and am having difficulty to move one with my life.

To answer your question...yes, if you really want to be able to deal with the end of your marriage, get over the boyfriend and focus on moving on, you should find a new soccer league, a new place to hang out, and friends separate from his.
It definitely appears that you ended your relationship with your ex-husband too soon. It's quite possible that had you gone to counseling and tried to work out your issues to see what was at the root of your problems that you may have come up with the same result--to get divorced--or maybe not. But, now the problem is that you haven't and you cannot really go back and figure it out again. Now if your ex wants to give it another try, well that's a different story.
As far as the other women you are referring to, I don't think you can assume they are callous. Perhaps they are ok with knowing that it might not have been the absolutely right decision to leave. Or perhaps they tried everything they were capable of to make it work. I have been in therapy for months now--only about a month into couples' therapy--but I know that when I leave every session, my desire to leave my husband becomes stronger. I know that is terrible to say, but it lets me know that it is good that I have decided to enter therapy to be sure that this is the right decision. Three months ago, I wanted to leave my husband, and feel that I very well could have, if I hadn't had my therapist and friends telling me that I would probably regret it if I didn't try a little harder, just to be sure.
Now, as far as what to do with this current boyfriend, I would be torn. It seems to be a pretty empty relationship. Which is fine if you are fine with it--but you're not. You seem to be lonely, so I know it is difficult to contemplate not having this guy there. Personally, I know one of my marriage issues is a unfulfilling sex life--I imagine when this marriage ends, I will be eager to have a good sex life again. So, I feel I can relate to immediately wanting that companionship. At the same time, it seems like it is rare that these early relationships post-divorce have a difficult time of actually working. So, my idea would be to end it and try to go into a different circle. You most likely will not be able to have a successful relationship with any man until you have come to terms with the ending of your marriage. If the current boyfriend is still around when you feel you can handle it, then maybe you can try it again.
Best of luck