Please someone talk me out of it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Please someone talk me out of it....
4
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 12:54pm

Ok...Last week I was ecstatic (sp?) when I found out he didn't lose his job and I could go thru with my plan to leave this Thursday while he's working... but now that the day is only 2 days away... I'm feeling more and more guilty. We got into a huge fight on Sunday and he told me I better kiss these kids goodbye because if I wasn't going to just leave and let him have them, he was calling the state this week to have them taken away. (This is a father who LOVES his children) Who, in their right mind, would rather their children go to the state then their own mother? Oh I remember! He's NOT in his right mind. He told me he doesn't want me to be their mother anymore. He can't take care of these kids, but he doesn't want me to have them, he just wants to hurt me....

So after saying all this (and other things as well), WHY, someone please tell me, WHY DO I FEEL BAD FOR THIS MAN?!?!?! He said he loves having kids, and that Antonio (our oldest) is the best, etc...over the weekend. Yet, he hardly spends time with him...and if he's not high first thing in the morning he can't get thru the day without going crazy. He can't function...I was at my friends house and I told her how he's always going to "The Spot" to get something...she's like "Is that ALL he does?" And I'm thinking...yea, actually, that it all he does. If he's not working and he's not home, then he's probably going to pick up. He is SUCH a bad influence, but yet, I feel bad. I don't get it.

It's getting harder and harder to picture my life without him there. Even though I know it's for the best. My friend asked me if I thought he would kill himself after he sees that I'm gone... and honestly, I don't know. What if he does? Then it would be my fault that my children's father is dead. How could I live with myself, knowing my actions essentially killed him. I know I wish sometimes he would get into a terrible accident, actually thinking about him dead hurts my heart. I feel bad for him. We are his on;y family...but he is an ALL or NOTHING type of guy...and he wants no part of me...he's made that clear. So I guess if he doesn't want ALL of US...then he can't have any of us... I want to split custody with him, but he WILL NOT hear of it. In his eyes, either he gets the kids or nobody does.

Why do I care so much for this fool? I haven't been IN LOVE with him for a very long time, probably over a year now...but I don't know if the feelings I have for him are just pity, or if I still kind of care about him.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense...I can't even think straight. Sorry so long...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:30pm
The state is NOT going to take your kids. It's a common threat that some use as a control method. If, in fact, he would kill himself, it is his choice. If he threatens it again call 911. They will take him in for observation. He is yanking your chain. I doubt a court would give him custody.
You have two choices, stay and take the same ole ----, or leave. You are the only one who can make that choice. If he is like most men he will have someone to take care of him in no time.
All I can say is that I was in a simmilar situation. The day I finally left was the happiest day of my life. No more threats, my kids calmed down, I had freedom. You couldn't pay me to go back to that c--p.
There are alot of people who are there to help you, all you have to do is take the first step.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:38pm

If he kills himself it is no way your fault. That is a decision he makes, so it's all on him not you. Nothing you can say or do would make it your fault.

I don't know if he's ever abused you or your children, but I see red flags here and would definately call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233.

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This is a direct threat of you and your childrens lives, you need to go to court and get a restraining order against your husband ASAP
and call the police and tell them that your husband has threatened you and your children.

Stay safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:54pm
It's not your fault if he commits suicide. It's HIS fault. HIS problem. If he is not strong enough to handle you leaving he needs help. I know how it feels to want to be dead. I've tried. But I realized what I have to live for. I got help as well. I would leave if I were you seriously and let him suffer the consequences. He's calling your bluff. He's saying what he will do but let me tell you this...he cannot have children taken away if there is no PROOF you are unfit. Rest assured that if he has no pictures or video or tapes of any kind he cannot prove it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 3:22pm

You care for him because you once fell in love with him... and he's the father of your children.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~