Preparing to do this....

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Preparing to do this....
9
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 2:26pm

What are the first few things I should do in PREPARING to do this?

I think I already know my lawyer & have consulted w/her once -

But what else should I be sure to be DOING - NOW .... in prep for this at some point - in the next year or two?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 12:18am
Hi,

This is a loaded question - It depends on many factors, however the one factor I would caution is the Lawyer's and expense .. unless you have a complicated case or there is abuse.

My number one recommendation is "Attempt" to keep open communication & amicably resolve your divorce with your spouse without an attorney & at the same time - just in case - Interview the top 3 or 4 Family Law Lawyers in your area and retain one attorney to help you file your divorce papers (not handle your case). Pay for one hour consultation from each lawyer and ask each Lawyer a similar question to see what "different" reply's you may get and also ask a new question .. this way you get advise as well as determine which lawyer will best suite you.

WARNING: Attack Dog Lawyers can help and hinder your divorce. Remember, many lawyers get paid if the case keeps on going. If you have a Home with equity... a simple question from your or his lawyer is basically providing that Lawyer with an Open Check Book to keep the case going until there is no more money. I KNOW .. It happened to me.

For more tips go to http://divorcefreehelp.com/divorce_tips.html

Best of Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 10:36am
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 10:41am

Why are you going to wait a year or 2 to get a divorce? I think if it's taking that long, I'd want to keep my money in a separate account and keep track of where all the money is going.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 5:24pm
Sounds like you are looking at the practical side of D, which is a good thing.

You don't say why you might be waiting so long, but guessing it is for practical reasons such as finances or kids school schedule.

Be very careful though, because if you have already mentally checked out of the M, it is easy to fall into behaviors that are a dead give away you are wanting a D. If so, your DH may blindside you with papers himself.

Make sure you know the laws where you live. Here, even if I had money tucked away in my own account, he would still have rights to half of it. Planning can be wise, to a degree, but be careful you don't shoot yourself in the foot.

Take care...
Serenity
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 2:53pm

What would be the downside to HIM submitting first the papers to me?

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 7:26pm
Laws vary, but who ever files first gets to write it all up exactly how they want it, then it is the respondent that gets the joy of then having to "respond" with the way they think it should be. It is generally better to be the petitioner. At least that seems to be the case where I live. If the respondent doesn't respond in time, the petitioner gets everything they asked for.

For example, someone just posted on here how she moved out of the marital home and then her DH immediately filed for D of course, and it then makes it easier for him to stay in the house, because he filed after she had moved out.

You have be careful who lives where, who had the kids that day, etc. etc. We are talking worst case scenarios here, but it does happen. Kids go to visit dad out-of-state and dad filed for temp. custody. Stuff like that. (not picking on men here, it is just easier to use that as an example) Again, extreme examples, but important to be mindful of such things.

Ultimately it is best if you can agree before either one of you files, or you file together. (that can be done here, not sure if that is the case everwhere)

Also, have you checked the laws yet? Some states you have to be physically separated a year first before filing.

I am no expert, just what I have learned over the years.

Good luck with everything.
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 5:24pm

My lawyer said the down side to me filing is cost. My divorce has potential to be simple legally, but, I can't predict what my STBX might do.

If you're thinking about doing this, my advice would be to get records of things and keep them off site. I trusted my husband to take care of all of the finances and I've been doing a LOT of learning since he left. Thankfully he's being helpful, but, I still feel very stupid for not having a clue what was going on. And if you think he's up to something, keep notes about his actions off site, too. It's better to have notes with dates to refer to then to have to guess about something.

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Sat, 10-01-2011 - 1:34pm
Everyone says a couple should have sep. accounts. We do not. Is this really bad?

Also - what does a former Stay at Home Mom do to afford this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 10-01-2011 - 10:20pm

If you have a joint acct, you are entitled to take money from the joint acct. to pay for your lawyer--of course you will be tipping him off that you are getting a lawyer.