Problem child

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2006
Problem child
3
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 1:19am

I have a 12 yr old stepson that is very abusive towards his mother and his sister. He has in the past acted out hitting his sister and also gone after her with knives, etc. He has even hit her with a bat. He is extremely verbally abusive towards his Mother Sister,M yself and my 2 young daughters ages 6 & 4.

We where on a trip today and I looked in the mirror from the front seat and he was about to hit my 6 yr old little girl. I needless to say was very upset. His father backs him up always and has blamed his mother and I for his actions. He was basically a non - existent Dad as he was never around due to his job and his infidelities. He is a travelling sales manager. After 15 yrs of all of this she threw him out and divorced him. I have been married to this woman for almost one year.

Today we went out of state for a surprise B-day party for my wife's Dad.She has a wonderful family which I admire. The kid picked on both of my children most of the trip and his sister.He was given direct commands by his mother and was totally defiant, as he is most of the time. Just being a punk and he thinks it is Kool.

We got home and it continued . My wife, 16 yr old stepdaughter and I after my kids wemt home were watching TV confronted him about his actions. Again he was totally mouthy, abusive and defiant. And I mean really mouthy. Totally abusive towards all of us with his arrogant mouth. We have had family counseling and he recently got in trouble for defacing peoples property which he is facing court action for.

I at this point and his mother feel he needs individual therapy. He says you can't make me and I will tell Daddy. He won't let you. I won't go .My wife has tried to address this with her x and he blows it off. he abuses her verbally.

This kid is a total punk as far I am concerned . If he was my son I would kick his behind .No way I would allow him to talk the way he does but my hands are tied. I know my place. My poor wife was in tears.

I also feel at this point he should be placed somewhere out of this home to be dealt with.We simply cannot handle him. I feel he should be placed where he can learn his actions are not appropriate . My wife and I are at the end of our rope. His father thinks he is fine, again blames his Mom. I think Not! I spend alot of time with this young man , as I have never had a son. I love this kid. I do not ignore him. I am more of a dad to him than his own father is and this is the way he acts. Any suggestions would be helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: nascarnutt
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 10:20am

HUGS! I admire you for coming here looking for help. In addition to this board, you may find some very helpful suggestions on the Stepfamily board - I have seen many similar posts there in the past: Ask the Stepfamily & Divorce Specialist


It sounds like you have really tried to explore all avenues of getting your

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: nascarnutt
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 12:45pm

what you are describing goes way way way beyond being 'mouthy' or 'punk': <<>

I don't know what to tell you but it seems to me that you, your wife, and your children are in serious DANGER. i would not be sitting around waiting for some loser-dad to tell me if its ok or not ok to get this kid into some kind of program YESTERDAY. nor would i even be ASKING my son/step son what he wanted. with teens - there is acting out and there is acting out. whenever something is dangerous - either to others or to the teen him/herself - that is when the adults have to intervene and immediately. i would suggest that you try the troubled teens board and see if they have any more specific advice. my DS who is now 20 went thru , and is still going thru, serious issues. and like you are describing - it wasn't easy to get him into any kind of program. but when he started to show signs of extreme anxiety and was suicidal - i forced him into help because i wasn't going to lose my son and that was MY bottom line.

I do wish to say that you are a wonderful person for taking the time and putting forth the effort to help this young man. i wish that there were more guys like you out there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: nascarnutt
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 6:03pm

What you are describing is antisocial behavior. Left unchecked things will get worse. Knives, bats, criminal charges? This is at age 12. Where do you see him 5 years from now?

I think removing him from the home is the best course of action. It sounds like he will need more than an hour per week counseling. Something else to consider. If he ends up stabbing or hurting one of your children you could end up having ALL of your children taken from you. Child Protective Services could see the situation as you allowing your children to live in a dangerous environment.

The boy's father doesn't have any say in this matter. The child lives in your home, you and your family is in danger. If he has a problem then the boy can go live with him under the understanding that he does not come back to your house unless he gets the therapy of your choice.

Your home, your kids, your responsibility to do something to protect them. Sorry if this sounds harsh but the knife and bat comment did it.