Putting the blame on me
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| Fri, 08-26-2005 - 4:53pm |
Is it normal for the STBX to place all the blame on me and not take any responsibility for his own insecurities and faults? His main issue is about how we argued. He said I was "mean" to him and when we argued it made him feel like I didn't love him anymore or that I hated him. I'll admit that I have a sharp tongue, but I did not call him names or degrade him in any way at all. As far as I'm concerned it was just plain ole' arguing. I explained to him that arguements are meant to be a pleasant experience and that just because we argued did not mean I felt any less for him, but he chooses to make me out like some "spawn of Satan".
He had an ex before me that was physically abusive to him. I don't know if it was all the time, but he told of one incident where she punched him in the head and spit in his face. According to his family, she was a Bitc.....My STBX is very passive and doesn't like conflict and I can only assume she took advantage of him for being that way.
Back to me though....It makes me really angry that he's portraying me as this person. Our arguements were never violent. Nothing was ever thrown. Noone was ever hit. Just getting loud and the curse words here and there. But to hear him tell it, I'm such a bad person and from what he says, I can only assume that people think I'm some psycho mental patient who throws things around the house and physically abuses him. On a phone conversation with him (which was the last time I will EVER talk to him again) he said and I quote "I felt battered in that relationship". He was playing the "victim" during the whole conversation. The one thing that tipped me over the edge was when he said this...
"Yeah, my mom said, if she wants to work things out, just run it past her on how things are going to be and if she seems to get irritated or starts sounding like she's getting mad, then you know she isn't going to change"
That right there tells me, that he's made me out to be a monster to everyone! Is this a defense mechanism on his end to make him feel better about himself and the whole situation? You would not believe the feelings that were lost for him after I got off the phone. The entire time before that conversation, I was thinking that maybe it had a lot to do with me, and my mom told me that a lot of women tend to blame themselves when things like this happens, but I see now, he has some insecurity issues of his own.
Any opinions on this would be great :)
Thanks!

I think it is totally common to point fingers.
Hugs, Brenda
Your STBX sounds passive aggressive.