Question about Child Support
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| Mon, 04-02-2007 - 6:16pm |
I am just going through negotiations for Child Support. So far this has been a fairly amicable split, but STBX always gets pretty heated over anything financial. We have figured everything out on our own except for this one last but very important item.
STBX and I both have good jobs, I always earned more than he did for 7 out of our 8 years together. In this past year his salary has jumped a great deal. CS guidelines are based on your salary - I expect to have the kids about 65-75% of the time. His is going ballistic about how much money he is supposed to pay, can't understand why he has to pay me sooo much money. I keep reminding him it is for the kids, not me. He says if he could put it in trust for them he would be fine but he has a problem giving it to me because "I will live the high life because of him". I am seeing a lawyer but just wondering if any of you can help give me some ideas as to how to justify Child Support. If I had to support my daughters (5&3) completely on my own , I could. But the Child Support guidelines have been figured out for a reason and I don't want my children to be short changed. I have always done everything for our girls and I do mean everything. I doubt that will change once the papers are signed.
Any pointers on how I can calm him down and help him (and me) better undertsand how this works and why. I don't want to take him to the cleaners at all, but he has always been a wee bit cheap. His lifestyle will not be adversely affected by paying CS - HELP!!!!

rose
""""""I am seeing a lawyer but just wondering if any of you can help give me some ideas as to how to justify Child Support. If I had to support my daughters (5&3) completely on my own , I could. But the Child Support guidelines have been figured out for a reason and I don't want my children to be short changed.""""
i believe that you should never have to justify child support. he is their father and therefore has a financial responsibility to them. in my state, my spouse has no choice. they plug our financials into a program and out pops the magic number at the bottom. i could agree to less but i won't. i plan on replenishing their college funds and being able to provide for them and not having to chose between medication or food.
he just wont be able to buy as much beer as he is currently.
what
In my state (MO), they fill out a Schedule 14. This will give you a guideline to go by. Maybe try that and then see about working toward a compromise with that as a guide. Don't cut yourself short though--they're his kids too and he should have to support them the same as you. If he wants to play hardball and be noncooperative, slap him with the amount the guidelines lay out. Tell him he can take that or work with you for another alternative.
Good luck
Thank you - yes we have been having many discussions about this and he keeps asking me why he should work so hard so that "I can live high on the hog". What bothers me so much about his attitude is that I outearned him 7 out of 8 years of our marriage. Now that he is making more he has no intention of sharing nor does he give me any credit or appreciation for what I brought to the marriage. At this point in time I am just trying to keep him calm. But he gets SO stressed about money issues that I know this will get ugly. he keeps saying 50/50 custody but I want to do what is in the best interest of our daughters and at no time has he ever been a 50/50 father. The girls are used to having me with them 24/7 (I work full time but I am and have been far and away their primary care-giver). To be safe I have been documenting for a few months now just how much of a role he has been playing in their lives compared to me. There is no comparison. This could get ugly but I sure hope not.
Thanks again,
Rose
Just a little insight about the whole process. . .
When I went through my divorce, there were a lot of feelings of grief, betrayal, anger, etc. (He cheated on me and then left to live with the OW.) These feelings are difficult to put into words so they are translated into actions. Unfortunately, sometimes our beautiful children get overlooked in the whole painful process. I hope that neither parent would purposefully try to keep adequate support from his/her child, but all too often (in my case as well), that is what happens (although they say that is not what they desire). I am not sure they fully understand how much their actions are hurting the very ones that they are supposed to be helping--the kids. Everyone is hurting and feels as though they need to protect themselves. Unfortunately the ones that can't protect themselves is the children. I hope this jumble of words makes sense.
Best of Luck, lots of hugs, and stay strong. You CAN make it through this.
Becka
Edited 4/6/2007 12:07 am ET by overwhelmed76