Question about Child Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Question about Child Support
7
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 6:16pm

I am just going through negotiations for Child Support. So far this has been a fairly amicable split, but STBX always gets pretty heated over anything financial. We have figured everything out on our own except for this one last but very important item.

STBX and I both have good jobs, I always earned more than he did for 7 out of our 8 years together. In this past year his salary has jumped a great deal. CS guidelines are based on your salary - I expect to have the kids about 65-75% of the time. His is going ballistic about how much money he is supposed to pay, can't understand why he has to pay me sooo much money. I keep reminding him it is for the kids, not me. He says if he could put it in trust for them he would be fine but he has a problem giving it to me because "I will live the high life because of him". I am seeing a lawyer but just wondering if any of you can help give me some ideas as to how to justify Child Support. If I had to support my daughters (5&3) completely on my own , I could. But the Child Support guidelines have been figured out for a reason and I don't want my children to be short changed. I have always done everything for our girls and I do mean everything. I doubt that will change once the papers are signed.
Any pointers on how I can calm him down and help him (and me) better undertsand how this works and why. I don't want to take him to the cleaners at all, but he has always been a wee bit cheap. His lifestyle will not be adversely affected by paying CS - HELP!!!!

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 4:09pm
Child support guidelines are just that, guidelines. Can you guys work on an amount that you both will be happy with? My ex makes almost twice as much as I do but I agreed that in lieu of child support, he would pay dd's tuition payments which seem to increase yearly. Everyone thought I was/am crazy but financially my daughter has just as much or more than she had when we were together and everything is working out just great! In the event that dd no longer goes to private school, the monthly payments will be sent to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 2:02pm

rose

""""""I am seeing a lawyer but just wondering if any of you can help give me some ideas as to how to justify Child Support. If I had to support my daughters (5&3) completely on my own , I could. But the Child Support guidelines have been figured out for a reason and I don't want my children to be short changed.""""

i believe that you should never have to justify child support. he is their father and therefore has a financial responsibility to them. in my state, my spouse has no choice. they plug our financials into a program and out pops the magic number at the bottom. i could agree to less but i won't. i plan on replenishing their college funds and being able to provide for them and not having to chose between medication or food.

he just wont be able to buy as much beer as he is currently.

what

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 3:04pm
I totally agree with you....my STBX is a total bully and unfortunately I live in Canada and , while there is a Government guideline in place - there is flexibility there. Plus my STBX is a fulltime fire fighter as well as a real estate agent. The majority of his income comes from real estate which is commission based and can change dramatically from one year to the next. he is pushing me to put a cap on his income - otherwise "he might not feel very motivated to sell." I know judges frown on that attitude but since he already has a steady income it might just pass below the radar...
Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 12:21am

In my state (MO), they fill out a Schedule 14. This will give you a guideline to go by. Maybe try that and then see about working toward a compromise with that as a guide. Don't cut yourself short though--they're his kids too and he should have to support them the same as you. If he wants to play hardball and be noncooperative, slap him with the amount the guidelines lay out. Tell him he can take that or work with you for another alternative.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 10:55am

Thank you - yes we have been having many discussions about this and he keeps asking me why he should work so hard so that "I can live high on the hog". What bothers me so much about his attitude is that I outearned him 7 out of 8 years of our marriage. Now that he is making more he has no intention of sharing nor does he give me any credit or appreciation for what I brought to the marriage. At this point in time I am just trying to keep him calm. But he gets SO stressed about money issues that I know this will get ugly. he keeps saying 50/50 custody but I want to do what is in the best interest of our daughters and at no time has he ever been a 50/50 father. The girls are used to having me with them 24/7 (I work full time but I am and have been far and away their primary care-giver). To be safe I have been documenting for a few months now just how much of a role he has been playing in their lives compared to me. There is no comparison. This could get ugly but I sure hope not.

Thanks again,
Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 11:26am
My STBX works only PT and goes to school FT (which is partially why things went sour). I started working FT when we split and make 3 times more then him. When I used teh calculators online...it showed he would only have to give 130 a month for 2 kids. So I kept my mouth closed about that and filed for the support anyway. Initially I got 450 a month. (after school care is 400 a month) so taht only left 50. ) They have scholarships for school, but my ex said he's "not paying my bills". I just went for the masters hearing last week and got it bumped up to 600. Which was what me and ex decided on at teh suggestion of the judge. That is enough for me, but Im so sick of hearing that he is supporting me with that money. I made sure to ask the judge in front of him so it woudl sink in "Isn't child support for shelter expenses as well, not just food and clothes". The judge agreed...so STBX backed off. He thought I just wanted EXTRA spending money. That 600 is still only half my rent...so Im not draining him for my benefit or I would have went for more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 7:43pm

Just a little insight about the whole process. . .

When I went through my divorce, there were a lot of feelings of grief, betrayal, anger, etc. (He cheated on me and then left to live with the OW.) These feelings are difficult to put into words so they are translated into actions. Unfortunately, sometimes our beautiful children get overlooked in the whole painful process. I hope that neither parent would purposefully try to keep adequate support from his/her child, but all too often (in my case as well), that is what happens (although they say that is not what they desire). I am not sure they fully understand how much their actions are hurting the very ones that they are supposed to be helping--the kids. Everyone is hurting and feels as though they need to protect themselves. Unfortunately the ones that can't protect themselves is the children. I hope this jumble of words makes sense.

Best of Luck, lots of hugs, and stay strong. You CAN make it through this.

Becka




Edited 4/6/2007 12:07 am ET by overwhelmed76