Question about legality of this...

Avatar for autumnstar02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Question about legality of this...
7
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 9:24am

Here is the situation. This is about my bf. He has 100% full legal and physical custody of their 4 children ages 11, 13, 15, 17. Ex has no visitation rights due to instability & mental illness.

Here is the saga...

Married because she was pregnant with 1st child. Happy for years. Cheating, etc happened (her...caught on videotape her having sex with more than 5 guys in one session...gross...). Tried to salvage marriage for 5 years from 1996.

Filed divorce in June 2001

Because of ex-wife mental illness (schitzophrenia) allowed divorce put off for a year and a half until she was medicated & stable. He did this so kids wouldn't look back and say he kicked her while she was down.

Divorce back on track May 2003

First date scheduled for October 2003. Ex's side requested 90 days extension. Granted by courts.

Next date scheduled for April 2004. Letter received in March extending date until June

Next date scheduled for June 2004. Letter received in June extending date until October 2004

Next date scheduled end of October 2004. Letter received in Oct said postponement.

Next date scheduled for April 2005. Letter received in April said postponement.

Next date scheduled for October 2005. Letter received in October said postponement. Bf fired lawyer for inactivity. Hired new lawyer.

Next date scheduled for February 2006. That morning Ex fired lawyer. Came to court unrepresented. Judge slammed Exs side for irresponsibility. Said that he will extend for 90 days for them to get their acts together. If they come unrepresented in 90 days will give BF whatever he asked for. BFs new lawyer filed 15 petitions for child support, etc.

"90 days" was up yesterday...New date scheduled for June 12, 2006. Went to court. Found out Ex filed for 60 day extension because they only hired counsel 30 days ago. Judge didn't show up for court yesterday. All extensions granted blindly because judge didn't come in. Now BF has another 60 days to wait for another date.

IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO IN THIS SITUATION??? MY bf came to me crying yesterday he is SO upset. I am beside myself. It has been so long. I haven't been with him this entire time, but long enough for us to want to be together for life. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Also, BF wants to hint to the kids about our relationship. I love them and they love me as his friend, but he wants to start hinting to them. We didn't before because we didn't want Ex, who is still mentally ill, to make trouble. But now, since Ex and family wants to make trouble anyway, why wait, right?

Any suggestions? We are going nuts.

Thanks,
Autumn

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 11:11am
I would defnitely tell the kids. Why should you guys wait. Heck both of you have been through enough with this lady and why the courts are dragging this out is beyond me. This is almost ridiculous. I have never heard of a divorce being dragged out this much. She obviousely likes to play games with her soon to be exhusband still and find that messing with everyone's lives is fun. I sure hope the judge sees through all this soon which they usually do. Praying you can all get this to end soon and start your lives together. Good luck and sorry if I wasn't much help. ((Hugs))
Carrie
 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 12:35pm

Well, I don't know if there is anything that he can do to speed things up.... unfortunately, the court system is just a huge mess sometimes.


As far as letting the kids know about your relationship.... I'd say, looking at their ages... they probably know a lot more than anyone is talking about!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for autumnstar02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 12:39pm

Thank you. They are teenagers. When their dad drops hints, they are probably going to look at him with rolled eyes like "duh..." but oh well. We havent brought them into it. I think we've done pretty well. 1 1/2 years of dating before meeting the kids and 3 years of my knowing the kids without bringing them into our relationship. But really, I think enough is enough. We'll obviously do it responsibly, but I am glad someone agrees with us.

Thanks!
Autumn

Avatar for autumnstar02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 12:58pm

Hi!

I know that they know more about this than we have told them. We get looks all the time, they are already testing me as far as how much they can get away with (so far i am passing!) and the oldest one just assumed that I would be going to his graduation party. Unfortunately it was hosted by BM and her parents, so obviously I did not get an invite and in respect for BFs son so his party was without incident, I decided not to attend.

Thanks for the idea about asking them for their ideas of the future. I am almost positive they will be happy. Everytime we go out, the 11 year old is standing by the door about an hour beforehand going.."when is she getting here?", "what time is she coming?" etc

Thanks! It was a HORRIBLE day yesterday, but I think the future is looking even brighter!!!

HUGS,
Autumn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 3:40pm
I would like to commend you for being so respectful of his children and taking things slowly and being responsible. That's the way it should be done, unfortunatly that's not always the case. I don't have any good advise for you but just wanted to say I respect that way you appear to be handling it. Best of luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 5:05pm

They will probably be relieved to see their father happy. Enough time has certainly passed and you haven't been hasty. Plus, having a stable female adult role model in their lives might be what they need right now. Best of luck! I say go for it!

Belinda

Avatar for autumnstar02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 9:54pm

Thanks. It has NOT been easy. At times I feel left out of the fun, so to speak. Not always fun going home alone while BF and the kids have each other there. :-)

Hopefully it will work to our advantage when the time comes!

To the person who posted after this one, the kids (especially the girl, 13 y o) really appreciate having a woman influence. She hugs me everytime we get together, says she loves me, etc. We talk about girl things and I give her girly presents. And the boys (17, 15, 11) benefit because they have a skewed image of women from their mother. They see that a woman can be a smart cookie!

Thanks for the advice EVERYBODY!!! This lifts me up a little bit. I'll update when things start happening. In the meantime, if anyone has any more to say, be my guest. :-)

HUGS,
Autumn