Question about NOT feeling burned out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Question about NOT feeling burned out...
13
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 12:27pm

OK, I was reading an article on ivillage about being a single parent and avoiding burn out. When I thought about it, I realize I feel FAR less burned out now than I did when I was with my STBX. I used to be so exhausted ALL the time. After a 50+ hour work week, I would come home, clean up messes, take care of our insane yard, cooked, did laundry, etc. Also, I almost never got a break from our son. Now, I love my son dearly, but everyone needs a break now and then!

Now, I actually get some short breaks from parenting, and I feel totally refreshed from it. Also, I am not completely burned out being responsible for the care of a house and crazy yard (our home was on an insane incline and it would take me HOURS to mow the lawn).

My STBX goes on about how much he dislikes his life now, and I almost feel a little guilty for being so much happier with my life. Of course he was happier! He had a live-in housemaid who also worked full-time, and took care of our child while he got to go out and do whatever he wanted constantly. So overall...I feel better! Anyone else feel this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 12:32pm

You bet!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 1:02pm

YUP!

I was a SAHM, maid, taxi driver, laundry maid, etc... at his becon call, and felt stressed out all the time.

Now I am a single mommy, work full time, and feel 100% less stressed.

Bottom line?

go figure!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 1:53pm
I wouldn't say I am happier, but I would say I am a lot less burnt out. I, like you, would work my butt off to get everything done. Now some things just have to wait. I do enjoy the few days without my boys. I need the refresher time.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 4:02pm

I can second your post...

SAHM, 100% of childcare, housework, laundry, yardwork, auto maintenance, social planning, family connections, everything!

Post divorce, I work full-time and have MORE free time for me since the kids are with him some of the time. Edited to add that I also have more free time to do what I want since I no longer am a personal servant to anybody!

He's hired a maid, yardman, they eat out all the time, and new wife does all the childcare.

Such a lazy man!




Edited 3/3/2006 4:09 pm ET by momsacupcake
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 7:13am

any 'burn out' that i feel now, is burn out that *I* chose. i am not burnt out because of negative things (his whining, controlling, putting down, one-upmanship behavior). i am now in charge of my life - i went back to school last year and THAT"s stressful - but its a "good" stress.


I also got a promotion at work - also - its a 'good' stress...


when i got divorced from my first husband it was more difficult - my son was three, and my ex would take him one afternoon a week and one weekend a month - but just for the first 1.5 years, after that he disappaered from my son's life and it was difficult being 'on' all the time...

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 9:24am

I realize my situation is quite unique. . .but I am feeling a little burnt out in terms of ALWAYS being the primary caregiver and anchor for our children.

Let me explain, my stbx is military. He has been stationed overseas for three years since 9/2001. When he left for Iraq this last time (in February 05), we were very much married. When he came home on leave in September, he told me the war had stirred up deep emotional baggage he'd been neglecting for years and he felt a separation was inevitable. What he didn't tell me at that time was that a girlfriend was involved.

I filed for divorce in December 05, he returned in January 06. We are working out the details of the divorce, but he leaves again for 2 military schools soon. Between those two schools (April 06-July 06 and August 06-February 07), he'll be gone for another nine months and we have no idea where he'll be stationed after that.

My situation isn't the typical joint custody situation and logistically I've been a single parent for 3 years now, except my custody/single parent situation doesn't involve regular breaks. There aren't weekends at dad's. . .he sees them when he can, but his current living arrangements mean that I will likely always have full physical custody of the kids with him just 'visiting' them for a few hours here and there.

And it's hard some days. . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 10:01pm

Wow - I hope you've got friends or family nearby that can give you a break sometimes!

I am lucky in that I get a few hours to myself Tuesday and then my son is with my ex Friday night and part of Saturday day. I still feel pretty tired often - but it is good to get that break most of the time. My ex feels a huge need to take off and travel from time to time, so when he does that, then I do have my son with no breaks. I would have to say, I get more of a break now than I ever did when I was still married - ex was so uninvolved I have always felt like a single parent, even when I was still pregnant. Another good thing now is that my son gets to spend much more one-on-one time with his Dad than he ever did when we were all under the same roof!

Take care,
Abby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 1:58pm

Military life can be very difficult- I'm from Bethesda, MD and lots of my friends had parents in the services. Being a millitary ex-wife must be even more difficult. I know that there is support available for you, but I don't know what kind of access you have to it. I hope you use friends and relatives to help out. I, too, am going to school following my divorce, and I know it's really going to be difficult teaching, caring for the kids and going to school. It's good to know someone else is doing it. I am definitely not where I always thought I would be! The joke goes "How do you make God laugh?-- Make plans!! I feel burned out and my divorce isn't even final yet.

Laura

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 2:44pm

I am right there with you. I feel far less burned out having my kids 24/7 and working full time than I did living with my ex. Having him in the house was like being a single mom to three children -one of whom was a huge PITA ;). I do think about how nice it would be to have a break from time to time, but I'm doing fine this way and very very happy with my life as it is.

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 4:10pm
YES - You're right!!! We ARE twins, sister! Life for me was much more exhausting when STBX was there. If he tried to help me with the two kids, he'd just end up blowing up at one or the other and it would then be double-duty for me - calm the kid down, and do what he was trying to do in the first place! Not to mention the cleaning up after him, working full-time, etc. He works from home and seems to take great pride in how little he can actually spend working and still be a "golden boy." I used to think - "how come I clean up the house each night, just to have to do it again the next day?? I didn't make the mess - I was GONE all day!!!" It is sooooo nice to live by my own set of rules - put it back where you found it, or if it's out of place, don't just walk by it - put it where it belongs! Yes, yes....life is for sure somewhat easier! And to be honest, it is nice to have the breaks. We have 50/50 custody and switch weekly, so I have a mini-vacation every other week. I miss them when they're with him, but it is a nice way to not get burned out and be able to be rested and rejuvinated when I get them back.

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