Question about supervised visits
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| Thu, 05-05-2005 - 2:14pm |
A little background as quickly as I can: I have sole custody of our 2 sons, we aren't divorcing YET, but he has been removed from the home due to a domestic assault charge about 3 1/2 weeks ago. I have a "no-contact" RO against him for a year and the no-contact order for the boys was just lifted. He plead guilty to 2 counts of DA and is now under 2 years probation with a supervised visitation schedule which will be reviewed after 60 days. He can see the boys Mon & Wed 3-7 pm and Sat 11 am - 7 pm. The supervisors are friends of ours, closer to him than me, but I know them well enough to feel reasonably comfortable with them.
My question is how much supervision should the people be doing? Are they supposed to be in the room all the time or just on the property? The reason for the supervised visits is because he's been abusive to me in front of them, has a long history of alcoholism and has said some pretty disgusting things in front of and to them. They had their first visitation yesterday and the supervisor wasn't even inside the house for half of the visit and the other half just went into the basement to watch TV. To me, that is not supervision! The boys were satisfied with the visit and they had a great time, but I can see that the whole point of the supervision was just lost.
What should I do?
Thanks, Mel

I am going through a very similar situation. My husbands supervised visitions were very closely supervised. The family members that were with him couldn't give up a whole day for him so he would only see the kids for a few hours at a time. Depending on who was with him, I got more or less feedback about how he was with the kids. He was never left alone with the kids. Everyone was present the entire time. They may not have been on top of them to hear every word but they certainly were able to see what was going on. Sometimes they were involved in the activity for the day, sometimes just tagging along.
I would speak to the person supervising about your expecations. I worked with a victims advocate at my courthouse to help me with the paperwork for the restraining order, etc. You may want to speak to someone like that or even the police and ask what your options are if the visitation isn't truly being supervised.
hope this helps.
Hi Mel.... you say that your EX's agression was directed to you... not the kids..... and their first visit went well... right?????
I think that you've got to "trust" the responsibility that the supervisors have if something goes wrong.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thanks for your response. In my quick overview, I didn't mention that he has been abusive to our younger son who is 6. Spanking very hard, throwing on the couch, threatening and yelling and various other stuff like describing how he'd like to kill his grandparents because he hates them (I'm paraphrasing, he used graphic details on how). Not very nice stuff at all, but it only happened when he was drinking. He is court ordered not to drink, although I don't think he has an order to blow a breath test. I think as long as he's not drinking, he wouldn't be a threat to them, but I don't trust him not to drink given that he's been a drinker for about 30 years!
I am not going solely on the boy's word about the presence of the supervisors, my STBX is staying at his parent's house which is across the street from my parent's house! So my dad was watching the whole thing from inside his house and saw the supervisor outside talking to a friend for about 2 hours and then eating outside while they ate inside. Then the boys told me that the supervisor was in the basement watching TV while they were upstairs with their dad.
There is a 60-day review for the supervised visitation. I know that he will petition the court to have the supervision removed so I'm thinking I might ask that he be required to blow a test before each visit. Is that unreasonable? Also, he's being on his best behavior right now, but I can't trust that this will continue into the next 3 months, 6 months from now? Our son was terrified at the prospect of even having dinner with his dad because of the yelling he had to endure because he's a slow eater and doesn't like a lot of things.
Now their first visit did go well and both boys are looking forward to the all day visit tomorrow, so I shouldn't be worried, but I was concerned about the total lack of supervision on their first visit, and wasn't sure if my expectations were too high. Thanks again.
Mel
I'm sure that he is being on his best behavior now.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~