QUESTION TO DO WITH THE KIDS.?..?..
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QUESTION TO DO WITH THE KIDS.?..?..
| Mon, 06-12-2006 - 7:03pm |
OK so my husband and i are technically seperated already (just happend) were still living under same roof and we pay half on everyhting!!!
well so i ask him "what are we going to do for our daughters 1 st birthday (w were orrigionally decided to do a big bash for her.
and he says " well i was thinking you can do one for her and ill do another one for her because my parents wont come to yours and i know your parents wont come to mine! WHATTT!!! is it just my hormones or does this sound encredibly stupid!!!
first of all... he is the one that wanted this divorce not me... why should my child be the one sufforing... i mean she is not old enough to understand yet but what about at her 2-3-4-5-6-7 birthday... she's gonna have to have her parents not there too???
this is sooo stupid to me! am i making a big deal about it ??? i just cant see why we cant do one togetehr and have everyone come... the thing is (this has happend before) his parents never wanted to come to my family gatherings..ever! my family is not liek that , they would love to be at her birthday party! he was just saying that because of his parents! they are sooo childish!!!!!
i dont want her having 2 parties with her parents seperated... is that crazy? should i just say whatever and let him do what he wants? its not that im wating to fight...but com on... why cant they be civil enough to spend a few hours with family for his child's and theyr grand daughters birthday party? i want to kill him sometimes!
he is the one that wanted the divorce,,, he said lets be civil (because i was so depresed about the divorce...still am) so why can't he be civil?
i feel really strongly about this... its not that i dont want her to have 2 parties.... but it's because i dont understand that she has to have eveyrhing seperated..i mean isint it enough that she is gonna have to live out of two damn homes?????
god i hate when he acts like this... i swear i hate his partents with everything i have... they talked him into the divorce well more the mom than the dad... but she told him too , she calls the house 3-4 times a day to talk, she hasent let go!!!1 now that she found out that he wants a divorce she is thrilled that he will go back to live with them... she is one of those crazy cant let go of my son mom... its like she still wants to breastfeed him! i cant help but laugh when me and he were dating that she would say her husbands mom was unbearable and not wanting to let go... and now she does it to me!!!!
f#@#$#$n hag!!!! ughhh i need to calm down~!
well so i ask him "what are we going to do for our daughters 1 st birthday (w were orrigionally decided to do a big bash for her.
and he says " well i was thinking you can do one for her and ill do another one for her because my parents wont come to yours and i know your parents wont come to mine! WHATTT!!! is it just my hormones or does this sound encredibly stupid!!!
first of all... he is the one that wanted this divorce not me... why should my child be the one sufforing... i mean she is not old enough to understand yet but what about at her 2-3-4-5-6-7 birthday... she's gonna have to have her parents not there too???
this is sooo stupid to me! am i making a big deal about it ??? i just cant see why we cant do one togetehr and have everyone come... the thing is (this has happend before) his parents never wanted to come to my family gatherings..ever! my family is not liek that , they would love to be at her birthday party! he was just saying that because of his parents! they are sooo childish!!!!!
i dont want her having 2 parties with her parents seperated... is that crazy? should i just say whatever and let him do what he wants? its not that im wating to fight...but com on... why cant they be civil enough to spend a few hours with family for his child's and theyr grand daughters birthday party? i want to kill him sometimes!
he is the one that wanted the divorce,,, he said lets be civil (because i was so depresed about the divorce...still am) so why can't he be civil?
i feel really strongly about this... its not that i dont want her to have 2 parties.... but it's because i dont understand that she has to have eveyrhing seperated..i mean isint it enough that she is gonna have to live out of two damn homes?????
god i hate when he acts like this... i swear i hate his partents with everything i have... they talked him into the divorce well more the mom than the dad... but she told him too , she calls the house 3-4 times a day to talk, she hasent let go!!!1 now that she found out that he wants a divorce she is thrilled that he will go back to live with them... she is one of those crazy cant let go of my son mom... its like she still wants to breastfeed him! i cant help but laugh when me and he were dating that she would say her husbands mom was unbearable and not wanting to let go... and now she does it to me!!!!
f#@#$#$n hag!!!! ughhh i need to calm down~!

I know you would prefer for your family to big one big happy one, but its not going to happen. Most people that separate and ultimately divorce carry on two separate lives. When people divorce it means that both parties live separate lives apart from each other. As painful as that is, it is as it is.
I am divorced and have been since my children were 1 1/2 and 3. They are now 17 and 18 respectively. Once my husband and I separated, we had separate b-day parties and separate holidays. I have invited him to attend their special functions, but he has only elected to do that once several years ago. My thought is that it was his choice to miss them growing up. I gave him the opportunities. That's all I can do.
That's all you can do too. Go ahead and plan a party for your little girl. Extend an invitation to him (forget about his parents, who needs their drama). If he chooses not to attend, that is his problem. You can sleep with yourself at night because you, unlike everyone else in this picture, have put your daughter above everything else. Don't concern yourself with what he does. It is his loss.
*I* love having multiple birthday celebrations... and this is what my kids do.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but you are going to have to calm down and let go a little bit. You and your husband are in a destructive relationship, and if you continue to let the things he does get to you like this it will only hurt you and keep things in a constantly escalated state. Since the two of you have had physical altercations, it seems especially important that you do something to stop the anger.
For your sake, as well as your children's, PLEASE go get some counseling. If he and his family are horrible to you keep away from them. Do you have any friends or family that can be there for you? Turn to those that will be positive for you and your kids.
As far as the party goes, just plan what you want to do and let him do his thing. I know it's very hard to adjust to some of the things divorce brings, but don't let your husband ruin your party. Focus on the joy and happiness of your daughter's birthday and how much you love her.
I was also living with my STBX long after I wanted to. It took a while to get the message across to him and even now he is unsure about boundaries. For us it is a bit easier as our kids are older and I have been TRYING to respect his traditions. And I get along fine with my inlaws (they are pretty upset with him also!). Yes, he is a pain, and manipulative, and shallow and teaches my girls a variety of messages I don't approve of. I just plan to win by being the most relaxed mom in the world.
Let go of your ideal birthday celebration and let things unfold as they will. Plan whatever you want for her and let him do the same. This year (our first as a separated couple) I planned the kids party but he bought her a lot of presents. So I decided not to spend extra money and didn't give her anything to unwrap. By the time she got presents from both grandparents her birthday festivities were spread out over a month and she had a fine time.
CHildren learn resiliency from their parents. If I make a big deal over these issues and inconveniences, they will learn to do so also. If I act as if they are the luckiest girls in the world and celebrate every moment they spend with me AND their dad, they will feel cherished.
Not easy at ALL> Sometimes it requires me to 'fake it til I Make it'!
I agree with you!.... a parent's attitude toward a situation really brings a light as to how the kids will handle it.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~