Question on Shared Parenting
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Question on Shared Parenting
| Mon, 02-05-2007 - 6:02pm |
Hi, unlike most of you, I have never been divorced (my ex and I were never married) but we were together for close to 10 years. I moved out this past June and back in with my parents. We have a 3 year old little girl together. My question is this and I know it sounds a little crazy because most women have the opposite problem with their ex - but mine is driving me crazy because he's almost TOO involved with our daughter. This isn't a new phenomenon - he has always been very protective, attached, and hands-on with her (not your typical father in my opinion) and now it is having an effect on how we've been getting along. We've been working on our Shared Parenting Agreement Plan for her lately and he wants to place a 60 mile restriction on how far I am allowed to live from him and have it put into the parenting plan. Being as she's only 3 years old, I think this request is a little ridiculous. In my opinion, such an issue shouldn't even be brought up until she is ready to start school and we decide where she will be attending. I almost feel as though this is a way for him to control how far I move from him and a way for him to ensure that we will still keep the same visitation schedule we now have (we switch on and off every other day through the week and alternate weekends). I have been against this schedule from the beginning, but he insisted on it because of his college course schedule and that is another issue entirely... Have any of you ever had an issue arise such as this? Am I being unreasonable thinking that a 60 mile restriction is too much? (He originally wanted 30, but said that he would "compromise" to 60.) I know that to make shared parenting work both parents must be willing to make some sacrifices, but I just can't help but feel that he's being a bit unrealistic. Any advice would be great! Thanks a lot! :)

My STBX and I are currently working on a shared parenting agreement. I believe every state is different, and you should speak to a lawyer.
What lawyers have told me is that states usually consider a move to surrounding counties within a certain mile radius from the non-residential parent, acceptable. If the residential parent wishes to relocate farther away than the agreement states, you must either get an agreement from the non-residential parent, or you can file a petition to relocate with the court. If you do that, you must provide solid reasons that are in the best interest of the child, for your relocation. The most acceptable reasons are a job, or a marriage. But if you also have family where you plan to relocate, or other reasons that the courts find in the best interest of you and the child, they can grant you your petition even if the non-residential parent does not agree to the move.
You have the same visitation schedule that we have (though our children are older, 10 & 12). This issue has come up with us, because I am considering a relocation out of state in the future, so I have looked into it. If I move, the visitation schedule has to be adjusted due to the distance. I would suggest discussing your concerns with an attorney to see what the laws are in your state, or looking up the information on-line. Your daughter is very young, so you have a lot of future needs to consider. My understanding also is that the child support comes up for review every couple of years, depending on the statues of your state, therefor as needs change, support can change, and so also can visiting arrangements based on the changing needs of your child.
Good luck.
Tis
Just wondering ... who does the moving back/forth -- you adults or your 3 yo?
As for the move restriction. I agree with the pp --check with your lawyer. I have heard of more than one case in my state where a court has said that if the custodial parent wants to move out of state etc. then the child will stay in-state with the non-custodial parent -- iow, switching custodial parents. The court always uses "the best interests of the child" as the standard. In those cases there was usually a very close bond with the non-custodial parent and other issues supporting the child staying put/near non-custodial parent.
I know our parenting form has a section dealing with moves and with introducing new significant others. I don't know yet what we will put in those sections, but I do know that my stbx would strongly resist any attempt by me to move out of the area. Otoh, he wants to eventually move 1,000+ miles away ... rational he isn't.
GL -- check with your lawyer!
M
I would not agree to such a restriction. What if sometime in the future you get a great job offer that is more than 60 miles away? My X wanted a restriction that I would not move out of town until DD graduated from high school (in 10 years). While I am not planning on moving, what if I lose my job, or some other great opportunity comes up.
What we finally ended up agreeing to was the if either one of us is going to move we have to give the other 90 days notice and revisit the visitation agreement at that time. My attorney also said that he could not keep me from moving (though I know this differs from state to state)
He is being unrealistic... and any judge in the country will tell him that it's unrealistic.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
We've been separated since last June ('06). For the first month we did the moving and our daughter stayed at the house. But since July/August she has been the one moving between us. I'm afraid that once she gets a little older, she will feel as though she's living out of suitcase because of the schedule we have her on. I'm hoping that if I do end up filing with the court, they will see that schedule as ridiculous and I can get it changed.