Question for you men

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Question for you men
22
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 3:58pm

Background-My STBX seems to be having a much easier time dealing with this whole process then I am (even though I'm the one who was originally unhappy in the relationship). People keep telling me that he's just not showing his pain/fear/sadness, or just not talking about it, or he's compartmentalizing...but that seems like a cop-out to me.

Question-Do you think it's easier for you (as a man) to deal with your divorce then it is for your STBX? Do you show or talk about your pain/fear/sadness with your ex-wife (or with anyone for that matter--I guess besides us on this board! LOL!) Do you think it's easier for men to deal with this sort of thing then it is for women? Do you think (in general) that men just avoid dealing with it at all? Why does it always seem like it's easier for the man to move on?

Any insight you have on your "sub-species" would be much appreciated! Thanks!

xoxoxo,

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 4:35pm

Hi Karen!

PG has worn out 2 copies of Linda Goodman's SUN SIGNS....and is close to destroying a 3rd! The more times you read it...the more you learn about the people in your life.

It's a great reference piece because Linda breaks down each astrological sign as follows:

1. The (your birth sign)Male
2. The (your birth sign)Female
3. The (your birth sign)Child
4. The (your birth sign)Employer
5. The (your birth sign)Employee

There's also a list of famous people born under your particular sign.

Linda has written several books. Another one I liked was: "LOVE SIGNS"....which gives most of us the 'inside track' on a partner and how romantic he or she happens to be?

By the way, Karen...if PG ever has the opportunity to 'play a 'gig' or for a private party in your neighborhood....we've DEFINITELY got to have a few games of pool too! :)

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 4:44pm

Hi Maria!

PG thanks you VERY SINCERELY for your thoughtful words.

I know there are still some ivillagers who aren't sure what to make of "my direct approach" when it comes to some of the responses. Like so many others, I've had my 'moments' when a spouse, g/f or somebody I 'bore my soul to' let me down? :(

Just to fill you (and the rest of the group reading this) in....there have been a few inquiries about 'a pianoguy' newspaper column and the possibility of doing a radio talk show. .

Maine experienced a beautiful SPRING day today. The temperature almost hit 60! And apparently we're in for more of the same for the rest of the week. Wimpy (my 13-year old border collie) LOVES sunbathing out back! But it's almost time for a trip to the beach!

I'm looking forward to hearing from you in an email, Maria.

Best wishes and warm thoughts....

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 4:55pm

kbach---

PG agrees with your therapist suggestion 100%!

But lately (if these boards are any indication)...there are women who appear to be just as UNHAPPY as their male counterparts are?

It's kinda scary when some of 'em write that they wish to dissolve their marriage before the 1st year ISN'T EVEN OVER?

To quote the classic Todd Rundgren tune: "IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO!"

I think that one half of ANY couple doesn't enjoy dancing alone for very long?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 5:27pm

I picked up the book this afternoon and read it some


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 8:06pm
Oh, gosh, PG, I really felt your post was helpful and although I don't love your 'tone' I do not find it offensive in the least. Your advice was sound.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 8:36pm

Wendy,

I am new to this discussion board so I may be far out of the mainstream. I just don't know. Anyway, I am a 35 year old man. My wife left me last year. We have remained friends and share custody of our two daughters.

She has handled the divorce MUCH better than me. I have dated a series of women in the hopes of recreating what I had. All of these relationships have ended badly. I have drank WAY too much. I have found myself being far lonlier than I ever thought possible.

In short, I don't think that men and women handle breakups that differently. I think the position of the person in the decision to divorce matters more than gender.

Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 2:21am

Hi Michael!

From one divorced male to another...PG understands how difficult a 'split' can be when dating somebody new is part of your agenda? The transition is easy for some and incredibly difficult for others.

I can only repeat what I've said to some of our wonderful ivillage ladies in the past.

When you date somebody new...DON'T COMPARE HIM (OR HER) WITH THE EX! Get to know the qualities, perks and quirks the NEW person possesses. Give yourself plenty of time to digest ALL OF THEM...and avoid the "my EX never behaved like this" attitude.

Comparison is good when you're shopping for bargains.....but not for a new (and possibly a lifelong) companion!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 2:25am

Hi Karen!

Pianoguy has close friends who live in Memphis and Knoxville....and NASHVILLE is practically in the middle!

If the opportunity to play for a private party, wedding reception or something similar comes up....we'll definitely have those games of pool!

Glad you're enjoying SUN SIGNS. I'm willing to bet you'll end up referencing it as much as I have?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 7:21am
Welcome to the board Michael!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 7:24am

I read about "Aquarius Woman" last night - ME!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~