Questions about atty and other issues...
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| Mon, 03-19-2007 - 5:19pm |
Hello everyone!
Let me introduce myself before I get into my "issues."
My name is Heidi and I have 3 daughters...ages 8, 7 and 4. I have been divorced for 2 years, apart from him for 2 1/2. He told me back in June 2004 that he "didn't love me, had never loved me and didn't know why he married me." UGGH!! At the time, it hurt, but I have since come to realize that I shouldn't take it personally because he would have dumped anyone who wanted him to be responsible.
He is the baby of his family and his parents think he can do no wrong...sound familiar?
Anyway, he lives in Houston, TX and I live in Colorado. He visits the girls about every 3 months and takes them for approx. 2 weeks in the summer. He's supposed to have them for 6 weeks, but says he can't afford that much time. I think the real issue is that he doesn't want to be responsible for that long. It might require work.
I have felt like a single mom from the moment I gave birth the first time 8 years ago. He has never been interested in the girls and told me once: "you wanted them, you raise them." If I asked him to help, it made him mad. I finally quit asking and fumed from within.
I have two questions at present:
"Does anyone know of a good family/divorce attorney in Houston, TX?" The attorney I used at the time of our divorce was an IDIOT! At the time I hired him (I got his name from my church, of all places), I didn't know he was coming off probation for being non-communicative with his clients. I am not at all happy with the terms of the divorce and would like to change some things. Although I live in Colorado, I have been told that I have to re-file in TX because that's where the original divorce was filed.
The next question requires some explanation...
He came this weekend. He dropped them back off at my house Sunday night. The girls then proceeded to tell me that they had stayed in a hotel suite with "Daddy and his friend (female)." The suite had 2 bedrooms, with one bed per room. Their exact words were: "One bed for Daddy and his friend and one for us."
I am LIVID! If they are married (which I doubt), this would be fine. I know the "new morality" in our world says this is ok, but it is NOT ok with me, and it is NOT ok with my God. I am trying to raise my daughters with SOME sense of morality and don't want this undone by their own father. They said they had never met this "woman" before. "Daddy said he wanted us to meet her." What a way to introduce someone! My oldest daugher is DEVASTATED! I can understand the fact that he is dating, and don't really care what he does with this woman in his PERSONAL time, but to sleep with her in the same bed (I don't know if there was any sex) when our daughters are in the next room is unacceptable!
Question: "Do I have ANY say in this at all?" We have joint custody (in name only, as I have them 99% of the time). He pays child support and calls them about once a month.
I would appreciate any help (and support) anyone can offer!
Heidi

Thank you...I really appreciate the information.
If he's married, it doesn't bother me, but he needs to let the children know his status. I talked to his niece this afternoon and she told me as of February, he was not married.
It's not the fact that he has a girlfriend that bothers me (I do NOT want him back, under ANY circumstances), but to do this with the girls next door really bothers me.
Thanks again,
Heidi
I'm in TN... and from what I was told, either of us can do whatever... married or not... as long as whatever behavior we exhibit isn't "inappropriate" in front of the kids (like having outright sex while they are present).
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I'm in a situation where I got divorced in one state, my ex now lives in another and I live in yet another state! I was told (and I'm in the process of) that I need to find an attorney here in the state I live in now (Texas) and have my divorce moved. I would call some lawyers in your area now and see what they say. I'm actually meeting with an attorney on Wednesday this week to start the process and I hope so badly that I like him enough to hire him. I want to have some legal back up when my ex screws up again. Right now all I have are idle threats because my attorney from Illinois can't help me since I don't live there anymore.
Melanie
I have to disagree with the other poster. I live in TX and I can tell you, at least in the county I live in, the courts don't look down on people living together, so in your situation, I highly doubt there's anything legally you can do about it. It might depend somewhat on the judge and the county, but there's nothing illegal about shacking up with someone UNLESS you have something specific about that in your decree.
When DH and I were engaged, we tried to fly up to see SD for the weekend. It was 2 weeks before our wedding and BM refused the visitation because we weren't married and it was going to be morally damaging for a 4 year old to see daddy and me sleeping in the same bed. DH called his lawyer and the lawyer laughed. There's no way that would ever stand up in court.
Granted 8 years old is a little older and your EX is being a complete butt by not talking to the girls about the gf BEFORE introducing them to her. He went about the entire situation wrong, but unfortunately, I don't think there's anything legally you can do about it.
The best thing you can do is shoot him an email letting him know the girls' feelings and ask him to talk to the girls about what's going on. It's his mess and he needs to help clean it up. You can talk to them too about the situation and how different adults have different rules and all of that, but he should have to bear some of the brunt of this too.
As far as lawyers go, I don't live in Houston, so I don't have any recommendations. If you are trying to change visitation stuff, you need to get TX to transfer your case to CO since that's where you and the kids live. It will still require a lawyer, but it should be fairly quick and easy to do. CS will stay in TX since that's where the NCP lives. DH's ex lives in OH, so any CS issues get handled in TX and any visitation issues get handled in OH. When DH first filed contempt on BM, he had to file in TX. Then BM's lawyer responded saying that she lives in OH and that the case should be handled in OH. Then the TX judge agreed and sent it to OH where DH had to re-file the contempt charges. It was all standard procedure.
Good luck.