Questions about leaving

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Questions about leaving
2
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:29am

I have a few questions that I hope someone can help me with. I have been married for 12 years with 3 kids (10,8,4). I have been miserable for several years. My husband is very critical and insists that our marriage would be fine if I just keep him satisfied sexually. But I'm sick of all of it. He claims that he will never walk out on his kids and I do not want to make things difficult for the kids. I make the house payment and I can't afford another place too.

But it looks like if anyone is going to leave, it will have to be me. He would be content to stay married and continue to criticize me forever. How would it look in court if I left. I plan to have joint custody and I actually do everything for the kids(homework, birthday parties, dance, gymnastics, guitar lessons, church, you name it). Would it be possible for me to leave and then say when he will have the kids and when I will or will I be looked at as a deserter?

I can't last too much longer. I hate the thought of not having my kids with me all of the time and I would not keep them from their father(he's actually a good dad). But right now, the quality of time that I spend with them is not that good because I'm so miserable. Please give me some advice, I don't actually have anyone who I can talk to about this.

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 10:05pm

I don't have much advice, because my xh was the one who left in my case, but that being said, I would call an attorney in your state to see how that is viewed in your area as far as children are concerned. Often it is not looked upon well, but if you still continued to provide all the support you do now by doing things with them, it ~may~ not look as bad, but talk to a local attorney just to be sure...

Good Luck and come back as much as you need to stay somewhat sane through this process!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 7:43am
HI I am so sorry you are going through this. Your H sounds like a verbal abuse person and I would recommend you also post on the "recognizing and dealing with domestic abuse" messageboard. The ladies there are also great and many can relate to what you are feeling and offer support too. However, in my opinion, I think you should go talk with a lawyer, he/she can tell you what the best actions for you to take and how it could or couldn't effect child custody arangements. Best of luck to you.