Questions to ask

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2006
Questions to ask
4
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 3:05pm
Hi, I am in the process of going through a divorce. My kids are 6 and 4. I have made an appointment for a conseltation with a lawyer which is tomorrow. I only have him for about an hr and half at the price of 350. So I would like any questions that I should ask ahead of time. Could someone please help me get a question list down? Any advice is welcomed. He wants my kids 50/50 so that he doesn't have to pay child support. He's gonna be fighting me tooth and nail. Also I don't work. I go to school full time. Please help, i'm sick about this.
One more question. As of right now my kids have no idea of the impending divorce. Do I tell them now to warn them, and ease them into it or wait till I can actually find a place to live and things are more concrete. I don't know if a complete shock to them is the way or stressing them out before hand is the way. UGH! Who knew this would be so hard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 5:47pm

summerhot06...

A few thoughts from PG (who has been there and done that):

1. While you and your husband might agree to a 50/50 arrangement, the children have to know where there "primary residence" will be? In other words...which parent they'll be living with? If the answer is YOU...this might be a way to obtain child support money?

2. You indicated that you didn't work. So unless your husband is providing some form of alimony payment to permit you to remain at home with your children...you're seriously going to have to consider employment...at least on a part-time basis?

3. You can bring up the fact (to your lawyer) that you're completing your education in a particular field. You're doing this in order to support your children and provide them with a stable environment.

4. I'd suggest that you attend the prelinary hearing FIRST...BEFORE discussing things with your children. They'll have to KNOW THE SCORE eventually? But there's no point in causing worry or unnecessary anxiety until you and your almost former husband HAVE THE TERMS YOU AGREE UPON...IN WRITING!

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 5:03pm

Well, this is my second time going through the process with my STBX. The first time I let him bully me and intimidate me. This time I am stronger.

Here is my advice.

1. 50/50 custody. What kind of job does your husband have? Is he available to the children? This is common practice for men. They want 50/50 custody because then they do not need to pay as much in child support. They want to be these fabulous fathers now because they do not want to support YOU!!!!! Child support is not about you, it is about your children, but most men are so egocentric that they think this is about you and them.

2. How long have you been married? How old are you? What is your educational background? Do you have loans for your education or has your husband's income paid for your school? Alimony or spousal support is dependent on many of these topics.

3. Do you own a home? What are your assets?

4. Be careful. People involved in a divorce become ruthless and will do anything to win. Watch who you talk to. Who you are with and what you do.

5. This is the most stressful thing you can do. It is worse than losing a spouse through death.

6. Keep your kids out of it right now. They do not need to be burdened and they will not understand. Consult with a professional or get some books for advice.

Anyway.

Good luck. This is a very difficult time in your life. Be strong.

MAddy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 11:38pm

If you don't want him to have 50/50 custody, tell the lawyer immediately.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 3:37pm

http://family.findlaw.com/divorce/divorce-forms/le22_a.html

The link above will take you to a check list of items with which you need to talk to your attorney about. Write down your questions as you go down the check list and organize your thoughts.

Don't worry about it if you become emotional or confused durning your interview. The attorney is used to it. I'm a very organized individual who went with a brief case of organized and grouped documents for the attorney (some of which showed that the STBX infidelity). I couldn't find the documents because my hands were shaking so badly and I was crying and of all things feeling disloyal even though he had cleaned out our joint accounts, cancelled my credit cards (without telling me) and moved in with the OW.

Good luck to you!! Keep your chin up and things WILL get better!! >>>HUGS<<<