quick answer needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
quick answer needed
5
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 9:26am

Hi. My STBX turns 40 tomorrow. I wondered if it would be stupid of me to send an e-card. I initiated the divorce, although he formally filed, we are almost done, and we communicate OK (business-like, sometimes friendly) about our two daughters. I don't hate him, just don't want to be married to him.

Is there some "rule" about this? I mean, this is a milestone in the life of the father of my kids so it seems appropriate to honor that since we don't hate each other. On the other hand, we're divorcing, so maybe this would just confuse things. I will see him when I drop our DD back off tomorrow, so maybe I could just say happy birthday without the formality of an e-card (if e-cards are even really all that formal...)

Opinions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:10am
I think cards from DD are enough. If you see him it's fine to aknowledge his B'Day. If it were me I'd skip the card. At some point we had to let go. This is one of the first steps. Baby steps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:24am
Well, my 30th b-day was in March, right in the middle of our divorce. Things with us were pretty good, considering...amicable and friendly at times. I was very hurt that he didn't get me a card. But, i tend to be more sensitive like that and saw it as a big birthday. He did wish me a happy birthday over the phone. That's just my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:33am
I'd send a card. It's only a card! I think it's nice that you are in the place where you get along well enough that you would want to do something thoughtful. Is there a reason not to send him a card? I hope that at some point in the future my STBX and I can be friendly enough to exchange simple considerations- like acknowledging a birthday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:41am

I think acknowledging his birthday whether it's an e-card or a verbal greeting would be fine.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:41am
My divorce had been final for a year when my ex took the kids for Christmas. (the only time!). They called and said they would be home on such and such date, and could I get them something for their Dad. Bought him a pair of pants, wrapped them, signed card from them and ME. They show up ex has woman with him, okay, They were ready to give him his gift when he announced to my family that she was his WIFE. I scrambled to yank card off present. Now it is funny. Back then I was in shock that he had married so fast. And she wasn't even the one he left me for.
When I dropped off kids before Christmas, he wanted us to get a motel room and celebrate Christmas together( HUMMM!!!). Later found out he married her the very next day.


Edited 5/19/2007 10:43 am ET by ohearto