quick update

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
quick update
4
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 4:02am

Just to give everyone a quick update on my situation:

Apparently, STBX has stopped smoking marajuana for the last few days. He is sounding much more sane, not talking constantly, not seeing everything as part of some big conspiracy. This is a big relief in many ways. I don't want to have to deal with another psychotic episode and all the unpredicatble consequences (will he get arrested? fired? become violent? etc?) Not to mention, we can be in the same apartment without hm driving me crazy.

He has stepped up his nice act big time. He keeps saying he'll do whatever I want, move to London, respect my wishes, etc. It's too little too late as far as I'm concerned, but he's not willing to hear that. I keep acting civilly for the sake of the kids, and he seems to be taking it as a sign that I'm coming around. I'm not.

I talked to a lawyer on Monday. She says I can take three kids out of Germany for 3 months without breaking any laws. After that I need a custody decision. She is going to file the paperwork for alimony, child support and custody within a week of getting the documents she needs from me. It will take about three months for the decisions.

So, I think that I will plan to leave here for the holidays, and just not come back. That gives me about 6 weeks to plan, pack and prepare older DS (3 yrs, 9 mos). We will then stay with my parents until I can get on my feet.

Wow. I really feel scared thinking about it all. Please send words of encouragement!

Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 4:16pm
Not to be needy, but - I'm needy these days! Someone write me back, please? Do you all think that I'm not doing the right thing by divorcing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 4:21pm

You have to do what is best for you and your children. It seems that your soon to be ex has cleaned up long enough to get you to change your mind.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 7:59pm

Rebecca... you've definitely got the encouragement coming!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 6:41am

Di, Karen,
Thanks for the support! I am definitely not changing my mind. I just feel really sad that if he had cared enough to do these things 1 year ago, or six months ago, or whatever, I wouldn't be thinking of divorce. I just keep trying to bear in mind that the only reason he is doing them now is that his own happiness is threatened. It won't last anyway (sigh)...even if I gave in now, in six months he'd have found new ways to make me miserable. I made a list of the reasons I am leaving, to read over whenever I think it might be easier to stay. I wish I could fast-forward my life by six months.

I am not afraid of his becoming violent with me or the kids. When he had his first break, though, he did try to take on one of the police officers who responded to my 911 call. The guy was built like an ox, and STBX ended up pretty badly bruised. As far as the weed goes, he hasn't been using it regularly, just the few days after I told him I wanted a divorce - which is enough, under the circumstance, I think, to justify my decision to leave. Who in their right mind would choose to do something that they know caused them to go legally insane in the past? I will never be able to wrap my head around that.

Right now, my main challenge is trying to get some papers together for the lawyer. She needs pay stubs from him, and STBX is a TERRIBLE record keeper. I have no idea where to look, and I suspect that he may have just shoved them in his desk at work. I am trying to think of a way to ask STBX that might actually get him to give them to me. Grrr.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted. Thanks again.

Rebecca