Reached a turning point
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Reached a turning point
| Sat, 08-11-2007 - 1:32pm |
After over a year of being seperated, I think I have FINALLY come to grips with everything. It's confusing how genuine it is though. I say that because sometimes if I read other posts I start thinking about my STBX the way I did for the past year and so I steer clear of them :) But after the worst year of my life, being in denial, taking Xanax and Prozac, constant crying and thoughts of suicide actually...I think I am getting much better. I dont look at STBX the way I did, not nearly as threatened by his new gf. It feels so relieving to be where I am...Ijust hope I can stay here and just keep progressing. Such a weight has been lifted and physically I am not half as sick as I have been. Anyway, time and seeing that there are better people out there for me played a huge part, but I just wanted to let any newly seperated people know I was as bad off as they get and I am doing so much better now :) It's possible. Now if I could just find a way to relieve some of the stress of trying to get the rest of my life back in order...too much time was wasted in an almost zombie-like state, always thinking of him, hoping etc.

OH Honey I have been there too!! It's so hard not to keep thinking I have invested so many years in this man, to get him to try to be the man I thought he could be, not to let go because I couldn't bear to see him being better to another woman than he was to me. I kept thinking that would make me think it was me. But now, if he really thinks he can do better than what he had it, then good for him, because I am done. I am done trying to calm myself down, done staying up all night wandering if he will come home or what time will he be home, done with wandering if he was cheating on me, ever, done with everything. He is an eternal teenager, and I am tired of wasting my time and energy on him. I use to see a counselor and they would give me medicine to calm me down, help me sleep, but guess what, I still felt alone, angry, and ?? why he would be so good, kind,loving, and be the husband I wanted, then bam, turn into such an ***hole.
At first when I seperated I thought I needed someone to feel the void, but I still had all this unresolved feelings for him, and I could never committ to someone else, so I decided to give myself time to heal, so I would not make the same mistake twice, and hopefully find someone who is worth my time. Thankyou for encouraging me that time does heal this wounds.