Reaction from parents and family
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Reaction from parents and family
| Tue, 06-12-2007 - 5:07pm |
Did anyone have a lack of support from their parents and/or family (not counting children from the marriage)?
When I told my father that I was separating from my husband, he was furious with me. We didn't speak for 6 months or so, and for a long time afterward he would tell other family members that I had "wanted the divorce." I never shared with him the reasons for the divorce, I believe that it wasn't any of his business and I didn't want to provide him or his wife with ammunition to say anything bad about my ex to my kids (then 1 yr and 2 yrs old).
The truth was, my ex gambled us into debt and then continued to participate in illegal gambling activities that even involved cohorts in other countries. I was terrified that the government would come after him, and we would lose our home, cars (how would I get to work? No public transportation) and security. I pleaded with him to stop, but he thought I was stupid for having a problem with what he was doing. He was also drinking heavily and dabbling in drug use. We went to marriage counseling, and the therapist asked to see us separately. During my visit with her, she said she couldn't figure out why I had married him to begin with, and why I didn't leave. She was in the business of "saving people, not necessarily marriages." We went to a second counselor, and that was useless as well, since by then I had made up my mind that it was over. Counseling only works if you have a willing spirit, IMO.
My point is that I tried very hard to make my marriage work, and I feel like I fought for it before giving up. I didn't share all that with my father, because we aren't particularly close, but I did expect that he would give me the benefit of the doubt and assume that I wouldn't just walk away from my marriage and put my children through a divorce without good reason.
How did every one else's families react?
When I told my father that I was separating from my husband, he was furious with me. We didn't speak for 6 months or so, and for a long time afterward he would tell other family members that I had "wanted the divorce." I never shared with him the reasons for the divorce, I believe that it wasn't any of his business and I didn't want to provide him or his wife with ammunition to say anything bad about my ex to my kids (then 1 yr and 2 yrs old).
The truth was, my ex gambled us into debt and then continued to participate in illegal gambling activities that even involved cohorts in other countries. I was terrified that the government would come after him, and we would lose our home, cars (how would I get to work? No public transportation) and security. I pleaded with him to stop, but he thought I was stupid for having a problem with what he was doing. He was also drinking heavily and dabbling in drug use. We went to marriage counseling, and the therapist asked to see us separately. During my visit with her, she said she couldn't figure out why I had married him to begin with, and why I didn't leave. She was in the business of "saving people, not necessarily marriages." We went to a second counselor, and that was useless as well, since by then I had made up my mind that it was over. Counseling only works if you have a willing spirit, IMO.
My point is that I tried very hard to make my marriage work, and I feel like I fought for it before giving up. I didn't share all that with my father, because we aren't particularly close, but I did expect that he would give me the benefit of the doubt and assume that I wouldn't just walk away from my marriage and put my children through a divorce without good reason.
How did every one else's families react?

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