Reaction from parents and family

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Reaction from parents and family
11
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 5:07pm
Did anyone have a lack of support from their parents and/or family (not counting children from the marriage)?
When I told my father that I was separating from my husband, he was furious with me. We didn't speak for 6 months or so, and for a long time afterward he would tell other family members that I had "wanted the divorce." I never shared with him the reasons for the divorce, I believe that it wasn't any of his business and I didn't want to provide him or his wife with ammunition to say anything bad about my ex to my kids (then 1 yr and 2 yrs old).
The truth was, my ex gambled us into debt and then continued to participate in illegal gambling activities that even involved cohorts in other countries. I was terrified that the government would come after him, and we would lose our home, cars (how would I get to work? No public transportation) and security. I pleaded with him to stop, but he thought I was stupid for having a problem with what he was doing. He was also drinking heavily and dabbling in drug use. We went to marriage counseling, and the therapist asked to see us separately. During my visit with her, she said she couldn't figure out why I had married him to begin with, and why I didn't leave. She was in the business of "saving people, not necessarily marriages." We went to a second counselor, and that was useless as well, since by then I had made up my mind that it was over. Counseling only works if you have a willing spirit, IMO.
My point is that I tried very hard to make my marriage work, and I feel like I fought for it before giving up. I didn't share all that with my father, because we aren't particularly close, but I did expect that he would give me the benefit of the doubt and assume that I wouldn't just walk away from my marriage and put my children through a divorce without good reason.
How did every one else's families react?

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 8:47am
My parents and rest of family were shocked and act like I'm the only person ever to divorce.I was married 27 years ( next week ) and was divorced a week ago. I just want something different and could not stand all the stress and yelling in my house. My kids are all with us and are 14, 18 and 21. My daughter is fine and will live with me. My boys are both angry and will live with their Dad. They think I am horrible for starting all this. My family asks what happened but its none of their business. They think I need a reason other than because I want to be alone with my daughter. There is also someone from my past that I've been talking to but nothing is planned out. I am doing this for myself and see what happens. Other person would never tell me to leave, he actually wanted me to work marriage out. I'm excited and scared for the future. I am planning to move in apartment with daughter for a year and chill. By the way, ex ( i hate that word ) was agreeable all along saying if i didn't want to stay with him, he didn't want me to. We are still living in house and ready to put on market. We are trying to get along for the kids sake. I did the do it yourself divorce-only 54 days from filing to divorce.I did think about divorce since a year ago and told my family in Feb. I'm proud of myself for doing it alone. I am glad i have many supportive friends. Good luck...

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