Ready for Changes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Ready for Changes
3
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 6:25pm

Hi, Newbie here and thinking of a separation or divorce. I have been married for 12 years, and it has gotten to the point where I have to take a stand against my Dh's total disrespect for me. We have no children which at this point is a very good thing. He was married previously and has two children, Sd 17 and Ss 25. The kids and their mom live very close to us, though I never see them. There is a lot of history here, but basically, it has gotten to the point where my Dh is making big financial decisions behind my back with Ss, lying and concealing it, letting me know at the last minute, and then getting angry with me when I have concerns or questions until I concede. He basically bullies me and backs me into a corner until I roll and let him pass. This has led to some very bad financial moves on his part. He is still supporting his Ex though he doesn't have to, and he does this behind my back (her living in our property rent-free). He doesn't consult me, but works all this out with them and then throws it at me almost daring me to disagree. It is a pattern that has been going on too long.

He is also very much like the previous poster when it comes to communication-- he is closed, and suspiscious almost when I ask questions and try to have a normal conversation. Getting information from him is like pulling teeth. He teases and derides me when I make comments. I feel that he doesn't respect me, and I don't feel his support. When I talk about going back to school for another masters, he laughs at me and says I'll never do it! He just ups and walks away from me when I'm in the middle of a conversation, to go do something like change his clothes or make a business call or call to his Ss or Ex. He always sounds irritated with me when I ask "How was your day?" or "What's up?", and acts like I am bothering him, yet he NEVER uses that tone with others, especially Ss and the Ex. They get more respect than I do. He seems to want to put me down and smash any of my optimism.

I told him yesterday that I can't take it anymore, and that I won't be bullied or backed into a corner. He told me to do something about it then. Well, the ball is in my court. I am scared, but I know I have turned a corner because I won't cave this time. I have to decide how to proceed from here. Separation, trying to work it out again, divorce. I need time to think. What about the $$? This is HARD. Any wisdom ro insight would be so appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 6:47pm

I am in a similiar situation. I am seperated though from my 20 year on and off marriage/relationship. He's an IV drug user and has cheated on my as well as been very disrespectful. However, I have just moved out 2 weeks ago. It is so hard to make that final move. I'm not sure of your situation completely but i do know that it killed me inside to be alone. I have no kids myself, He has 2 from his previous marriage. I understand the emotions your going through. It sucks...


Tammy
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 10:42am

Thanks Tammy,


This is so tough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 2:54pm

Hi!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~