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| Fri, 04-04-2008 - 3:46pm |
Been here for a while...never actually registered or posted so...please bear with me. This one is a long one....
My husband of ten years (been together for 15) is leaving. I can't say I disagree with him...but even now that its all out on the table he's STILL lying. I'm not sure if he's trying to keep me in the wings in case this current affair doesn't work out (its the 2nd time around for the same girl) or if he's trying to ward off an adultery charge...that could

Dear K,
I have been separated for over 2 years and have been up and down on this roller coaster countless times...
so what I am about to say comes from a great deal of experience, a great deal of counceling, and a great deal of knowledge from various forums which have given me the best advice...at first, all of us still want to believe that all will be well in good time, and it can,, but there are positive and logical steps that need to be taken to ensure that.
"she still wieds power over much of his actions"
While I read...and took to heart everything that was said in the last two replies....this one quote stood out like a beacon. She wields a LOT of power of his actions. She is initiating seperation papers, she initiated the move, she makes a LOT of decisions for him...such as the simplest things of offering to buy my kids cell phones so that he won't have to communicate with me at all. She's also bought him a phone that she thinks is some big secret so that he can give back his current personal phone and therefore eliminate me being able to contact him in any way.
I couldn't use the kids as pawns if I wanted to...(of course the thought crossed my mind)...they adore him far to much. My daughter has already expressed a fear of going to his new place though. She doesn't want to run into the OW...no we didn't tell them about her she came to me yesterday and said, "Is dad moving out because of XXX?" Um, that was not a question I was quite prepared for this soon. She's older though and very perceptive. My other one is becoming sad and withdrawn and is going to be my first priority. He's only happy when dad is around. :-( I do not take this personally...please don't think that. It just breaks my heart that there isn't anything I can do (presumeably) to help him.
H is still assuring everyone he comes in contact with, aside from OW of course, that this is NOT permanent. I did tell him that I felt like he was placing me in the wings so that he could explore how this was going to work out with her. That I was being "kept" just in case. He neither confirmed nor denied but at least he knows what I think.
Again, I am not delusional...I am a disaster theorist...always think the worst...I do not believe this will just resolve and he'll come rushing back home. In fact I am hard pressed at this point to believe he is ever coming home at all. In my mind I think he is keeping the peace so he can get out quietly. THAT is ok with me...we've never fought before and quite honestly now is not the time to start that.
Thanks guys.
K,
For a period of a month in the beginning after I heard the speech..he was out of the house..but still seeing us..He would invite me to lunch, dinner etc while living and working with the OW.
ceejayzee.....
I really "liked" your message (like is soooooooooo not the right word LOL!).