Ready to start next 18 years at 42???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2008
Ready to start next 18 years at 42???
2
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 1:24pm

So, I made the call to my lawyer today to file the papers to make the divorce legal. I have found a condo to rent, signed an annual list, been moving my stuff.

I've been staying at our home, which he is attempting to assume the mortgage on, while he's been staying somewhere else. He started this on June 22 saying that he's unhappy. I told him 3 weeks ago that I wanted a divorce. He started it, I'm finishing it.

I know this is the right thing to do. I keep going over the mental check list of reasons that I am taking this major step...
- Dishonesty
- Loss of trust
- Loss of self
- Freedom
- Infidelity
- Inconsideration
But, I keep hearing these HORROR stories from women who have left marriages, and find myself thinking, wow, my situation isn't so bad. Then, Iook at my list and think, do I really WANT to move foward and live my next 10 years like this? NO. Then, I look at my list and think, I do not want to ACCEPT these issues.

I keep hanging onto my drive: TO LIVE FOR ME, make decisions FOR ME, be responsible FOR ME. make mistakes FOR ME...

But, after 18 years, seeing him cry and beg, and being a compassionate woman, it sure does make a girl tired and a bit worn...

Thanks for listening...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 4:54pm
Thank you for this post.... I have been with my hubby 8 years. I have been separated for 3 months going back and forth on what to do. I know in my heart because of the reasons you listed (same as my situation) that it's over. I'm afraid of the financial aspects to ending it, I'm afraid to hurt him, I'm afraid of a lot of things... but I am strong person and I need to do this for ME. If I need to find a second job so be it...I will be living MY life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 9:13am

I feel your confusion and call it being "on the fence". It's not a secure place to be in your gut. I NEVER wanted to be THAT woman that would settle, compromise core values, etc. Knowing this, realizing this, feeling this has got me to this point. I can't do this half way. Separation is not an option unless its on the path to a final divorce.

Is it scary? Yes. Do I know that I will not have regrets? No. Do I truly, deeply feel that I will 1. be okay, and 2. feel that this is the right decision, Yes. That's keeping me focused on the future, respecting the past, truly caring that he is okay without giving myself back to him, and moving on.

Let me know if I can help ... we always know in our heart and gut what is the right thing. We just have to relearn to listen to it, I think.

Hugs to you...