Reality Check Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Reality Check Please
4
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 8:47pm

I'm looking for input on my situation with STBX. We have arranged that the kids stay with him on Friday, Saturday, and Tuesday nights. This is in part to accomodate both of our schedules as well as arranging it so that the kids (2&4) don't go more than 2 or 3 days without seeing either of us.

The problem is that on the 2 Tuesdays that we have actually followed this schedule (everything was off sched over christmas holidays) the boys have not gotten any sleep. Last week when I went to pick my 4 year old up from preschool, he was sleeping on the beanbag chairs at school. He told me that they had a sleepover at STBX's parents' house and he didn't sleep. Today they are in the same over tired state. Last night they went to the marital home, but all 3 of them slept in my son's twin bed all night.

I'm debating whether or not it's worth confronting STBX about this. He lied last week when I asked him if theyhad gone home for the night. For the duration of our marriage I have repeatedly explained to him how it's not good for him to sleep in the bed with the boys as they get no proper rest and don't learn to sleep independently. So, history states that confronting him won't make any difference.

Is it worth it to bring it up? Or should I look at re-arranging the visitation schedule? I would appreciate input as it gives me clarity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 6:34am

I don't think it is worth it. He needs time to figure it out, and also the children need time to get used to sleeping at dad's. It is likely that for now they are excited and agitated by the new situation... but soon they will calm down, and settle. The schedule you chose is not easy on the children (kids are often creatures of habit, and need consistency), but they will adapt well if you parents are setting a schedule again. You need to give it time, the worst thing to do is to change it again!!!

I would just talk to the children, and emphasize that it is important to stick to their sleep schedule. You may also want to speak to their teachers, so they understand if on Wednesday they are a bit more tired...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 12:38pm

cbote...

PG is curious?

Do you suppose you could change that Tuesday overnight into Thursday? This way...the children have 3 consecutive nights with one parent and 4 consecutive nights with the other?

Rotate weeks (4 nights with MOM/3 with Dad...and vice versa) if you're worried about an equal "visitation arrangement!" But what you have now is a little screwy!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2007
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 4:17pm

I think that it's going to be hard on the kids no matter what. My 2 year old WON'T sleep anywhere that's not her own bed, in her own house. She's just awful when we try to go on vacation, it takes forever to settle her down, and then, we usually all end up sleeping in the same bed.

I'm sure that he's doing the best that he can. I think that it will take a while to adjust. And, unfortunately, you will lose a little control (and he will gain some) over how he chooses to parent. Give it some time and see if the boys adjust. I hope that Dad can figure it out.

Good Luck!

S

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 4:34pm
i personally would bring all the issues you have to the table - say what is on your mind in a nice & mature way - then give it some time & see if you see any results - if it's something he's not willing to do something about & you still see the problems w/you children, then that is when i would take action -