Really struggling

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Really struggling
19
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 8:06pm

Are there any women out there who were the ones that wanted to leave? I'm the one doing the leaving, or trying to. My husband's not a bad person, but he's made some really bad choices. Really bad. Over the last five years I've found myself falling out of love with him. We have two little girls. It took me a very long time and a lot of heartache and soul-searching (Cliche, I know) to finally make this decision. Now that I have, all I can think about is getting out of here with my girls and starting a new life. He's doing everything he can to persuade me to stay, and I don't want to hurt him worse but I am really done. Is there anyone reading this that understands? I guess I just need a cyber-shoulder to cry on. Thanks for listening.

Mannie

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:06am

Hi Mannie --

I was the one that filed for divorce. It was an agonizing decision and one that I did not make lightly. I had panicky moments (even after I moved out) and second guessing moments. All of this is normal. One thing that really helped me was going to see a Psychologist. It's so good to just talk to someone.

Good luck to you. Your days will get easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:46am
Hi stepmalla.... don't think I've seen you here before, so Welcome to the board!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:04pm

Hi Mannie,

I was married for 25 years and I have two children. It took us years to get a divorce. We kept trying to make things better. Even love was not enough. Three months ago, we separated and filed for divorce.

I knew that divorce was going to be difficult at best, but I didn't think it would be hell. I've been an emotional wreck. I have support from family and friends, but there are many occasions when I'm inconsolable. I'm having great difficulty letting go and accepting things I cannot change.

I know that I will get through this and that it will take me some time to move on. There is hope at the end of the tunnel, and everything will be okay.

Mannie, I am struggling too. All you can do is take it one day at a time, get support, and keep talking it out with family and friends and other divorcees. Be gentle and kind to yourself. You will make it.

Take care.

Mirra

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:05pm
Hi Mirra.... don't think I've seen you here before.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:52pm

Hi Karen,

I'm new to the board.

I am so glad there is a web site just for women. It's a nice place to go to for support and information.

Thanks for the warm welcome.

Mirra

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:59pm
Mirra, I know you didn't start this thread, but I wanted you to know you are not alone. Your story is a lot like mine. I know what it is like to be inconsolable. I am still that way some times, but I can tell you it does get better. A year ago I thought I would die, now I have days I know I will live. I remember feeling that no one understood my situation, that I was all alone. Many of the ladies here said give it time. I thought there was no way I would ever get better, but you know what I am better, not great, but better. I can see little glimmer of light. I will say a prayer for you. May your year go quickly. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:16pm

Brenda,

Thank you so much for your emotional support and kind words. I truly appreciate it. Today is my first day on the board.

I am so glad that I found this message board. Most of the people in my life (family, friends) have never been divorced, so it's a little difficult for them to understand what I'm going through. But they're there for me and that's all that matters.

By the end of the year, I'm sure I'll feel a lot better. How long were you married and how are your children doing? My children are taking it hard.

Take care, Brenda.

Big hugs,

Mirra

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:47pm

Wow, you ladies have no idea how much better I feel to know there are others going thru all of this. This board is pretty amazing. My heart breaks for anyone in this position, but at the same time the fact that you're sharing your experience makes me feel stronger and more hopeful. I don't have any divorced friends either. Most of my friends are just now getting married or depressed because they're single. It's a strange place to be when no one else you know has been there. Thanks for writing, thanks for all the good advice. Anyone who ever needs to talk is welcome to email me. Chase3406@aol.com. I usually put my kids down around 7:00 and get right on the computer.

Everyone take care! Be strong!

Mannie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 1:44pm
Mirra, I was married for 15 years, but we had been together for twenty. (all of my adult life). I have two boys (10 and 12). They are a mess. The older one is very angry all the time and highly rebelious. His grades have gone down considerably along with his drive and confidence. My 10yo cries a lot. Sometimes he doesn't want to let me go. He seems very confused. My ex won't let me get them counseling. I think it would help them work through some of this. My older child in the last year has started hollering "I wish I were dead". Scares me. I have a history of depression with suicidal ideation. What if he is like me?
Tell me about your family. You are still a family you know or so I am told ( I have trouble with the concept). The financial matters are what scared me the most often in the begining. Are you doing OK? Do you work fulltime or have you found fulltime employment? It took me about 3 months to secure fulltime employment. I hadn't worked full time in 12 years.
Take care of Yourself. Hugs, Brenda


Edited 2/28/2006 1:46 pm ET by mebrenda

Hugs, Brenda 

Pages