Really think my marriage ended tonite
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| Thu, 12-21-2006 - 9:39pm |
I don't know how to sum this up...but making a long story short - my in-laws and my husband think I don't welcome my in-laws to stay at our house this Christmas Eve because I invited my parents. Problem is that I didn't know Husband invited his & he didn't know I invited mine (there were conversations, but OBVIOUSLY communications is a problem with us). REgardless that this is not what I at all intended for them to think, he told me he couldn't forgive me (and pretty much told me I wasn't welcome to Christmas w/ his extended family) and I finally asked if - before this - he still loved me and he said he didn't know or something like that.
I was going to really use the new year as a time to renew energy into our marriage now that kids are 16 mo. and 4.5 years. But it looks like it is too late. What should I be doing? I really don't know that he's going to put the energy into saving this marriage. I'm heartbroken b/c I feel like a failure and hate that my kids won't see their Dad, who they love, everyday.
Any suggestions welcome and needed. (RE: this situation, I want to call his p's but he thinks they're too hurt - like I'm not - and that nothing I say will make them want to come Sunday.)

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Dont stay in the marriage just for the kids . I see problems my adult children have because of living in this bad marriage . I do know its easier to say than do. he was a good father. enabling but otherwise good.
I sense though I could be wrong that he nor his parents are respecting you and dont let them do that in front of your children. just my opinon. good look and there are many in your shape so someone with more insight about the current situation will post soon I am sure
Has this sort of thing been an ongoing problem? It seems a little severe that one incident has made your husband jump to feeling the way he says he feels. I'm not really clear on specifics here, but why is that both of you invited your parents, but his are the ones uninvited and not yours?
I think you should do damage control. Invite both sets of parents and if there isn't room for one set to stay with you then maybe ask YOUR parents to go to a hotel. Tell them there was a mistake made and that you need them to be understanding. Your parents are far more likely to forgive you.
I hope you are able to patch this up. Take care and let us know what happens.
Your marriage is ending because of a mixup with the parents?
Susan
"Success is building a foundation wit
Melissa
Sports,
I find your husband's reaction extreme. I also understand how communication problems can cause a mix up, but it really shouldn't have been a surprise that you both invited your parents over for the holidays. I think I'd get through Christmas as best you can and then head for a marriage counselor. Counseling can help you both sort out the issues and give you both the tools to work on your marriage. If he won't go with you - go by yourself. Your marriage isn't over just because of this incident. If it is, you're married to the wrong person! (He sounds very selfish and stuck on himself.)
Good luck,
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Melissa
I'm so sorry I was an idiot and misread your post last night. I need to just not post after a certain time or when I'm tired because this is what happens.
You're trying your best to make everyone happy, which is all you can do. You've invited them all and if any of them choose to not show because if whatever problem they have then it is on them, not you. Don't be hard on yourself over what has happened. I'm sorry I misunderstood what you orginally said, but can I ask a question? Why is it your in-laws and husband are so upset at the notion of both sets of parents being there?
Melissa
Thank you. My IL's did end up coming to spend the night (and We ALL went to the family Christmas)...but only after my parents couldn't (they both ended up hurt...thankfully not seriously) and my DH let them know that. I don't think they would have come if they were here. Anyway, my FIL did call and did their typical thing and acted like nothing happened (but at least he called). Just told me DH called, invited them, was it OK with me. It at least gave me the opportunity to tell him what really happened with the miscommunication. He said, well, we'll just move on as if it didn't happen. And he did...made every effort to include me, etc. As far as MIL, I've just decided she doesn't like me - forget love me - and proably never will (and may not have liked anyone in her son's life). It was blatantly obvious by things she did over the 2 days. Not worth going into, you'll just have to take my word on this! It stinks, but I'm just going to have to accept it.
What has really upset me now is that even though I did nothing wrong, I did apologize. Not for doing anything wrong, but that there was miscommunication. NO ONE apologized for the NASTY way I was treated...the names I was called, or the things I was accused of. So, if an effort for Christmas to finish nicely, I'm waiting to bring this up with DH tomorrow. He has, like normal, moved on and is acting like nothing happened. It's infuriating. The next big hurdle for me is going to be how to bring up the counseling issue. He surely has to figure it's coming, but he's not going to like the idea. But, he has to learn to treat my opinions with respect and tell his mom that she can't treat me this way (although in defense of him...only a little...she doesn't act the same if he's around).
Thanks again to everyone for calming me a little and helping me think clearer and not so emotionally.
Melissa
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