received the papers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
received the papers
4
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:04pm

I received the divorce papers yesterday. I knew to expect them but when I was served with them I felt very very sad. It is just so for real now. I just couldn't get a handle on my emotions all day yesterday. The kids kept asking me "Mom are you ok?"


Just when I think my emotions are fine they aren't. I'm really not ok with this at all. I'm not ok that after 12 yrs of marriage he comes home one day and says he is unhappy then wants a separation,, then wants a divorce. It is just all moving to fast for me. One day happy, the next day divorced. It is so unfair! We have 5 kids together, I have been a stay at home Mom for 10 or so years. I've cooked, cleaned, supported him in all and every decsion he has wanted to do. Here I am being left. It can't be about sex because I'm not that kind of wife who is too tired. I know it's not me its him but man I really feel what can be so much better? I've done everything in my power to be a good wife and mother. Why wasn't I good enough?

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Brittany (Mom2FiveDrews)


Kiana "The Basketball Star" 11 years old


Vanessa & Jazmine "The Twins" 9 years old


Olivia "The Princess" 3 years old


Isaac "The Prince"

Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"

Kiana "Hooprincess" 13 yrs old

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:36pm
I know how you feel, my ex did basically the same thing. Had the wind knocked right out of me. I am sorry you are going through this. The best advice I can give is to take care of you. You have to allow yourself to grieve. I know about trying to hide it from the children. Most of the time I do OK. When I don't my boys are there to hug me and tell me everything will be OK. I ask myself everyday why wasn't I good enough?. We have to try to remember it is their decision not ours and we can control no one , but ourselves. I miss him. I love him. I would take him back if he wanted. We have to learn to live for ourselves. It was always about our families before. It's been a year and a half, I can tell you things are slowly improving. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and heal. This is a terrible blow to your self-esteem. Remember to take care of you. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2005
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:47pm

You are going to be okay!!!! I can imagine that you feel really bad right now, but trust me, this feeling will pass with time. But it is absolutely okay to grieve. There is nothing wrong with you. You must take care of yourself. If you have family or friends that can lend their emotional support to you during this time, take advantage of it. And please remember, this is just one phase of your life that you can get through. I am sorry you are going through this hard time.

Shawanna

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 12:51pm
Why you werent good enough , why wasnt Hallie Berry, Christie Brinkly etc etc , they had the looks ,the money and their husbands strayed too. PLease don't let him take anymore from you , you are worthy of love and respect and don't settle for anything else , my experience has taught me that even those "nice guys" have potential to do whats good for them they think the grass is greener and for awhile it is the newness , excitement, freedom ...but it gets old again . Its a hard road ahead im almost a year on it , but everyday im one step closer to letting go and it cant happen soon enough
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 2:00am

It's not you, it's him. You did do everything correctly and he didn't. He sacrificed you and his children. Don't question yourself. Be strong. Take care of yourself and know you'll be better off down the road. Do you have a real life support system to depend on? Hugs to you.