recently divorced hurt and scared
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recently divorced hurt and scared
| Sun, 05-13-2007 - 7:43pm |
Here's my situation. I have been divorced for almost 7 months. We were together for 21 years, lived together for 20 years, married for 17 years. We have 2 children. Up until now we have been still like best friends. We even went on vacation together a few months back. Now here's the problem. I know we will not get back together, we make better friends than spouses, but he has a girlfriend that he just introduced to our children. I have recently found out that he has been seeing her about 4 years. I am having a great deal of heartache with this. I knew he would start dating, but it's killing me. I haven't stopped crying since he introduced her to our kids. How do I deal with this? And no, I am not anywhere ready for the dating scene yet.

Sharfo,
Hi. Glad you found us here on SD. I am sorry your marriage ended and you are struggling with the aftermath. It is a difficult road to travel, especially when you have been married for so long and have so much history with your former spouse.
For what it's worth, divorce is a many layered process. The pain and grief you experience isn't a one-time occurance; it's like a roller coaster - up and down. There's the shock of discovering your spouse isn't happy, then the shock of separation, and ultimately of the divorce itself. There's a lot of other shocks along the way, and those bring fresh waves of grief and pain,
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
sharfo 1...
Pianoguy would like you to re-read one sentence in your post:
"We make better friends than spouses" sums up every reason why you need to move forward with your life.
Your EX...as badly as you hate to think about it...HAS DONE THIS! And if you give yourself permission...I'll bet you can find some form of happiness sometime in the future?
Just don't make comparisons.
The only way to permit 'change' to happen in your life.....is to put aside your past! I know it's not an easy task for many of us? But you'll only make yourself sick if you keep 'RECYCLING' the events of the past 21 years!
Best wishes and warm thoughts...
Pianoguy
Thank you for your help. I will think of your kind words whenever I start to backslide and think of what used to be or what could have been. I know I need to move forward, but I'm not sure how.
Thank You
Wow!!! You hit the nail right on the head. Everything you said really hits home. I am planning on finding a support group and a counselor. I really need to talk to someone because I cannot keep living my life sad all the time. I need to move on, but I'm not sure how. I'm sure in the end I will look back on this and think "how could I have let him make me feel that way" but right now it's tough.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. It's greatly appreciated
sharfo1...
When you need to talk...Pianoguy is happy to listen.
You can click on my ivillage profile and email me with your personal thoughts if you'd like?
Like all bad things...you'll get past the unhappiness of divorce. I KNOW I DID!
Hugs!
Pianoguy